God's Pursuit of Me
To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love. - A.W. Tozer
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sacred sabbath & rest for the weary
Have you ever been so tired that you hope you catch a cold? Or acquire a fever? That you think the only way you’ll get a break is to have a breakdown? You have weekend plans or evening plans and the other person cancels and you quietly and secretly rejoice because you are in dire need of a night off? Do you have days when you want to quit your life and let someone else raise the kids, handle the sass, repair the dishwasher, do the laundry, pump the gas, help with the homework? I mean, I’m pretty certain if you are breathing, you can probably answer yes to all…
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how do you do it?
“I don’t know how you do it.” “As a single parent – how do you do it?” Yeah, I’m fairly confident the statement or the question is delivered as a compliment of sorts. And yet. It never feels like one. “You’re braver then me.” No. I’m not. My choices are different, maybe. Because they have to be. “I don’t know how you do it all.” I don’t either. Mostly, because I’m not doing it all. I’m not often even doing my tiny corner very well, in fact. But that’s not really the point here. We look at any life circumstance that isn’t ours and sometimes feel grateful. “Wow, glad I don’t…
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Raising Girls: embracing help through Awaken
I grew up as the only daughter in a house with three brothers. You know how you just assume certain things about your future? I just figured that if I grew up and got married and had kids – they would be boys. That’s not all I assumed, naturally. But it’s part of how I pictured my adult life. But – here I am – grown up, and out of my six children, only two of them are boys. Even if you’re bad at math (raising my hand) you can see those numbers are way off. My ratio is lopsided. Four daughters. And I love it. I love having daughters.…
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five finds friday. (an unusual candle holder & a great movie)
We start back to school in August. So it feels true when I ask – did I even have a summer? I mean, yes – sure. It was fantastic. But it was FULL. London and I both said the craziest thing this week. We said something insane like, “It’ll be good when school starts again. Life will maybe slow down a little.” Because when school starts, at least we’ll all be home more. funny On London’s actual birthday this week we spent the day shopping and eating out. That meant we saved her family birthday dinner for a different night this week. She also decided she would rather save her…
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five finds friday (the best popcorn, a great sermon, ear cuffs and we need a new funny show)
The entire family knew, going into the summer, that this week would be a wild one. Art camp for one. Math classes all week for two. Birthday party. School planning session. And all the regular stuff. Jobs. Meals. And my dad visiting us too. It’s been a good week but I’m thankful to see the weekend around the corner. funny Lately I’ve been obsessed with Jimmy Fallon’s hashtags. #WhyILostMyJob #MyPetIsWeird #WhyI’mSingle and so on. They are hilarious and ludicrous. The length of the videos is just the right time – short and sweet. But if you’ve got more than a minute – it’s okay to watch six of them. Also.…
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Scary Close: A Book Review (& some feelings this book unearthed as well)
It was just sitting on the shelf at the library when I was looking for something else. Donald Miller. Scary Close. I haven’t read anything by this author in ages. Last two novels I read of his – Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years – felt like I read them in another life. Which – technically, I did. Impulsively, I grabbed it and added it to the stack. Books about the Grand Canyon, the National Parks, Nelson Mandela, the Empire State Building, Twilight (yeah, that’s what one of my kids picked up), drawing guides, a couple Diary of a Wimpy Kid books and this Donald…
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thoughts. on this fragile world.
We really live in the most frail of worlds – don’t we? Our own personal ecosystem is a mess. I’m not even talking about actual environmental problems. I just mean – things fall apart. It’s hard to maintain anything – your yard, your living room, your friendships. Recently my friend had a plumbing issue and her (new) floorboards had to be torn out and there was literal water just flowing under her house because it’s basically all a charade. A puppet show. Held together with glue and cardboard, propped up with sticks and strings and what on earth are we doing here? You know what I’m saying? We…
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parenting, continued
Last week (or something like that) I was talking with a couple of friends who are moms of many daughters. I suggested we start a club – The Moms of Many Daughters Club. (MMD – sounds alright?) We need a support group y’all. Not that raising any number of children is easy. Not that raising boys is easy. But I’m just saying there’s a special kind of challenge to raising multiple teenage girls. At the same time. We texted back and forth here and there for the better part of an afternoon. We’ve been sending a few texts in between. When we need a virtual high five or an…
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Discipline of Gratitude
Ever since a Huddle class/study I took last year, the first words in my mind when I open my eyes every morning have been the same. Seriously. Two words. Every single morning when consciousness stirs and my senses are slowly alerted to light and life and my surroundings, the two words are the same. And they’ve started to change everything. My eyes flutter open and my silent inner dialogue begins. Two words. Thank you. Thank you, God. I’m not speaking out loud. (Except when I am.) But it’s an internal conversation that is very real. Thank you. Thank you, God. (Because that’s who is the receiver of…
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residual fall out from divorce and singleness: the bits I forget to talk about
There are many sides, facets, bits and pieces to the narrative of divorce. More layers and levels than the obvious and glaring parts. And there are plenty of aspects that I don’t talk about very often. At least not publicly. I’m not even entirely certain why. I’m an open book sort of person but some thoughts just don’t seem to make their way to the wide world. I carry a verse in my car – by the mirror overhead – that I’ve written down on a little scrap of paper. This weekend I referenced it twice in two different conversations with two different friends about two different…
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1.2.3. What will I carry from Lost Valley this year?
The first year it felt like freedom. It tasted like sunshine and sky. Lost Valley Ranch. A week uninterrupted by the regular. It was like breathing again after being held underwater just to the tip of suffocation, rubbing against the sharp edge of death, a Coming Up For Air. It had been a hard year and a half of loss and shift and pain and betrayal and brutal reclaiming of life. At the ranch I felt a coming clean, a washing off, a shaking down. I felt like someone I wanted to maybe get to know, like someone with a chance. I felt okay – and that…
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In Which I Share a Podcast I Am On
The request arrived in an email. “I’m starting this podcast and I’m telling stories and I’d like you to share yours.” It was from a friend and I knew I could trust him with my story. And also, I haven’t exactly chosen to keep it all under wraps, tidy and secure. I’ve been spilling my guts in a public forum for more than a decade. The telling of the story didn’t worry me as much as the other part of his message. “I’ll need to take some photos for the website if that’s okay.” Ugh. Let me say words all day, no problem. But to pose awkwardly for photos…
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my ideals and my reality: they aren’t lining up
Today my dad stopped in for a short visit. It’s always good to see his smiling face. Last month on one of his pop overs he gave the kids an art assignment – they were to draw a picture inspired by a song he loved. It is a song that imagines what the Garden of Eden might have looked like before sin entered the world. (It’s called “When Dragon’s Hearts Were Good”, hence the dragon themed art it inspired.) The kids had a time period in which to complete their artwork and they all worked hard, to varying degrees. On this trip he swooped in and judged the contest…
