Chaos
Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure. - Rumi
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lyrics
I heard this song on Sunday for the first time. It fits everything about everything right now. Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer – lyrics by Margaret Becker Jesus draw me ever nearer As I labour through the storm. You have called me to this passage, and I’ll follow, though I’m worn. May this journey bring a blessing, May I rise on wings of faith; And at the end of my heart’s testing, With Your likeness let me wake. Jesus guide me through the tempest; Keep my spirit staid and sure. When the midnight meets the morning, Let me love You even more. Let the treasures of the trial Form within…
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simple advice.
I walk into this meeting and a kind friend asks, “How are you?” Who knew “how are you?” would become such a loaded question? And I shrug. Talk about how much I dislike pumping gas in the rain, about how I couldn’t get that blasted tent into its two inch case, share a couple heavy fears. You know, way too much information for the simple “how are you?’ question. (Listen, friends. Don’t ask the question if you don’t actually want the answer.) He grins a little sympathetic grin. I know he gets it. So I get this fist pump, high five, kind of hybrid from him and he says simply,…
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nighttime says this ….
They’re like dominoes. Night falls. One comes down the steps. Tip toe. Stomp. Creak. Tip toe. Creak. Creak. Creak. And the bed fills up. Five times over. By the time my bedtime arrives, I’m looking for any ounce of room. It’s a king sized bed but its regal size isn’t large enough for all this kid royalty. Sleeping big kids are nearly impossible to maneuver. Their limbs all gangly and long and heavy and twitchy. Gone are the scoop and slide days. I slip and twist and scrunch to contort my grown up self into any leftover space. My body literally cannot fit if I lie on my back. It’s…
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before bed . . .
I clean up dinner. Tidy the living room. Tuck the kids in Lock all the doors. Pause at the sound of the dogs barking. Wonder if I should be worried. Stare into the darkness and contemplate my Aloneness. I sigh so deeply I think I might fade into a puddle on my dirty dining room floor when all of my breath is finally expelled. I feel old. Independent in the most uncomfortable of ways.
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the language
When she calls to me, I will answer her; I will be her help in trouble; I will rescue her and honor her. Psalm 91:15 This is the language I need to hear. The truth I need to tattoo on my heart. The words I need on repeat in my tired and tortured brain. I can never hear it enough. Lord, help my unbelief.
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Monday Night
It’s surreal how one weekend can change your life. How one afternoon all that you think is true can be swept away in a singular collosal wave and you find yourself stranded on an unfamiliar shore. More than one month has passed since what was Unthinkable has become what is Every Day. Crisis is a confusing beast. It makes time stand still and somehow at the same but the opposite rate it makes time evaporate. Basically, it shoves your agenda into the trash and brings lots of life into painful clarity.
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the hands and the feet
In the middle of The Falling Down, in the long days of Sad, I am completely overwhelmingly humbled by the absolute care of an assembly of humans who are saying to our family “We love you. You matter. You are not forgotten.” Most days it feels like Too Much To Accept although it has been my only choice and my saving breath. Even as a Word Girl I have not enough grasp on this finite human vocabulary to do this level of kindness justice. Each day the Word of God is visibly made flesh in the most generous and extraordinarily mundane manners. Encouraging texts that arrive magically and mysteriously at…
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the time being
It’s like learning a new language. One that sticks to the roof of my mouth and feels like sandpaper to the tongue.
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ordinary occurrences
On the laundry room floor a very large bag of acorns sits. Collected. Stored and being saved for currency at their friend’s house. In the living room there is a bright cheery yellow canvas bag loaded with rocks. And. A tap on the shoulder. A seven-year-old confession. “Momma. Otto’s bug catcher is empty now. But it wasn’t earlier. So. If you see some crawly lizard upstairs. Well. That’s why. I thought you should know.”
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Choose Nothing
It’s 2 o’clock on a Saturday. The weather is precisely perfect. A brown dog lies next to my feet. I’m sitting on the porch. Our house is silently astir with quiet activity. Two big kids have succumbed to the call of the woods and I love that they are escaping together. I think they will emerge when they are hungry enough. There’s a creator kid with a cardboard box and a bevy of markers. She has an idea and the gift of time. Today is good. I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything. If it’s been too long since this has been true of you – you might…
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I know, son.
Whilst in a store with my nine year old son …. “Bergen, can you please settle down? Maybe stop leaping down the aisle?” His blonde head pauses briefly in its movement. “Okay, Mom. I can try. But it isn’t in my nature.”
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the dinner table.
Sometimes when we eat dinner together we do it a crowded dining room table. A table no one has seen fit to clean before our meal. A table that looks more like the beginnings of a yard sale than the location of a pleasant group dining experience. Have you ever eaten at a table like this? You find yourself pushing aside a roll of toilet paper and a stack of library books and two glow sticks, a matchbox car and a bill that you thought you’d misplaced. That’s what dinner looks likes sometimes at our house. And by dinner I mean – a bowl of cereal for one kid, a…
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the best laid plans ….
I know. You’re on the edge of your seat. You’ve been rechecking this website every six and half minutes. I can’t wait to tell you who won this giveaway. I can’t wait. But I’m going to. Wait, that is. I’m going to wait for just one more day. Not to drag out some long suspense or build tension with dramatic music playing in the background. Nothing profound or incredible. I’m just out of hours in a day and I’m a little sleepy. There was school this morning – like most every morning. But math was interrupted by Kevin returning from a meeting and making a simple announcement, “There’s a baby…
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