morning reminders.

I was lying in bed this morning.

Avoiding crawling out of its three-blanketed warmth.

(I think three blankets is too many.  Too heavy.  Kevin thinks otherwise.  London commented on the thickness of our bed covers and I told her how Daddy likes lots of covers.  She grinned and replied, “But I bet his bed mate doesn’t.”  She was right.)

Instead of getting up and conquering the morning, I just kept lying there – letting the morning conquer me.

I pretended to be pseudo-accomplishing things – like checking my e-mail on my phone.  Then I scrolled through the photos stored on my phone.

All 1,375 of them.  

I stumbled across both a photo of the ocean from this summer’s vacation and a post I had never published.

Which is what finally made me crawl my way out under the depths of blankets and through the maze of tiny legs and arms crowding our space to post these words.

The thing about the ocean is this ……

it feels flat.  Even when you know it’s not.

To me – it’s like proof.

Proof.  Of some ending.  Some starting point.  Some beyond the sea and self-contained and out there and here.

Some never and some beyond.

And I can’t stop staring at it.

And there’s more.

I think what I really like about the ocean is what I really like about the mountains.

They make me feel small.

Give me clarity.

A better view.

In a world that I like to make about myself, I can use steady reminders that the show’s not about me.

The story is not my own.

I am little.

I am a part.

I am a portion.

But I am not all.

And there’s some kind of odd comfort, some calm, in that knowledge.

And I like being in a place that makes remembering all that easier.