A Letter About Ice Cream, Cookies and Disappointment

Dear Breyer’s Ice Cream,

I am choosing to address my letter to you as you are the official maker of this particular product.

I like bright colors, funky shoes and exuberant headwear.

But I like my ice cream in the plain old vanilla variety.

My children love cookies with a chocolate coating and cookies with a chocolate filling and cookies with chocolate sprinkles.

But I like my cookies simple and plain as well – like the Golden Oreo.

When I do decide to mix it up and go a little crazy at dessert time, I chop a Golden Oreo or two (or six) into little bits and mix it into my vanilla ice cream.

It’s delicious in its combined glory of plain plus plain.

I thought I had invented the idea.

But as there is nothing new under the sun, I was not entirely surprised to see a box of your delicious Breyer’s ice cream boasting of its union with the Golden Oreo.

I might not have been surprised, but I was almost giddy at the potential tasty delight in store for me.

Which is what brings me to where I am today, typing this letter, just a mere few hours after opening and consuming my first waffle cone filled with your anything-but-boring combination of plain cookies and plain ice cream.

Ah. And here is where the tide turns. Where the cookie crumbles. Where the ice cream meets the mouth.

Instead of keeping things simple, instead of staying true to each perfectly plain flavor, you chose a different route.

You created some not quite vanilla any longer but not quite Golden Oreo either hodge podge mixed up conglomerate of frozen milk and sugar. There were few distinct Oreo bites and the cookie lacked any crunch – which is essential in the pairing.

Dear dear Breyer’s. What were you thinking? You had the two perfect ingredients already. Ice cream. Golden Oreos. You just needed a spoon to stir the two together.

I mean, that was a hard combo to mess up.

I don’t want to be too hardcore. Breyer’s is still my favorite ice cream.

But I tell you what – next time I’m thinking of going wild for a post-dinner treat, I’m going to create it old-school style . . . I’m going to buy a tub of vanilla ice cream and a box of Golden Oreos and do the stirring myself.

But seriously, thanks for trying.

Sincerely,
Me