pointing at myself.

I have sixty-eight drafts resting in the unknown regions of my blog’s set-up pages.

There are so many ideas I want to write about, explore and share but sometimes I just type out the words but never press “publish”.

I am finding it more and more difficult every day to balance the type of mother to a teenage daughter that I wish I could be with the type of mother to a teenage daughter that I actually am being.

This is unbelievably hard work.

We have been in the beginning stages of forming a new Shepherding Group with some fellow church-attenders.  It’s been a desire of mine and Kevin’s for many months now and I am both excited and anxious to be bumping through this journey together.

Last week we started talking about a perplexing verse in the Bible.

Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Actually, to say it is perplexing is really a cop-out.

It’s not perplexing, it’s just difficult.  Not what I want to hear.  Not what I want to do.

It feels supremely burdensome to serve a sometimes selfish, sometimes dishonest, sometimes inconsiderate person.

Now, now.

Hold onto your judgement please.

I know that the second I type that sentence, the very instant the letters form words, I know that I am not only describing the child I am raising.

I know I am describing myself as well.

I know.

But all this knowing really doesn’t make the task easier.