the flip side.
When I have an afternoon (or a day or a week or a . . . you know)
that I camp out in the Feeling Small Acres here at this home place
I sometimes let my mind wander to all the jobs I could be doing instead.
Teaching high school. Writing for a newspaper. Raising goats.
And all the other places I could be instead.
On a mountain in Colorado. At the beach. Canada. (Eh?)
And,
thankfully,
it is usually at those very precise moments
God gives me
eyes
to see
exactly
where I am sitting.
Most recently,
I was sitting
at our kitchen table.
With a kid eating a peanut butter and nutella sandwich.
(Remember this guy?)
I actually do not know if I can explain this adequately.
But watching Fox eat that sandwich . . .
Watching his siblings, a passel of other little kids, take absolute enjoyment from observing their baby brother . . .
It was, somehow,
staggering.
The big kids were vying for the opportunity to do something, anything, to make Fox laugh.
Their greatest goal was to see that eighteen-month-old toss his head back
and revel in the moment.
And it was
truly
splendiferous.
(It’s a word. I looked it up.)
It was then
you know – that precise moment –
that I realized. (Was reminded.)
I would miss this.
No.
Literally.
Not “I will miss this” as in “One day I will be sad these days are gone and look back at them with fondness”.
No.
I mean, “I would really miss this” as in “If I was physically present elsewhere (teacher’s desk, writer’s desk) I would not be present here and I would actually miss this event.”
That’s what I mean.
Someone else would be here.
I would not.
I would miss it.
It would still be happening.
But I wouldn’t be seeing it.
Wouldn’t be living it.
And it won’t be there when I return.
It doesn’t stand still.
It does not remain.
It moves.
It disappears.
In the future
there will still be a class to teach
there will be a newspaper column to write
there will be a business to pursue.
Those things never really leave.
The opportunities may change.
But they still exist.
Being two only lasts one year.
First steps only happen one time.
Holding hands with a three-year-old is momentary.
It runs out.
It fades.
And it cannot be recreated.
Or revisited
when once it has passed.
And I know
and I know
and I know
that this is where I want to be
and what I want to see
and who I want to know
most
and best
and lasting.
This fleeting fleeting joy.
Tangible joy.
Complete and simple.
Spontaneous
and pure
and holy
in its very beauty
and simplicity
and peace.
And it is this type of moment
precisely
that enables me to persevere through those small days.
11 Comments
Marion
My thoughts exactly.
Love it. Love you.
Cindy
Never, ever forget….THIS is your ministry and the payoff is indescribably delicious!! Love ya!
nikkie
i so get this.
and, though i do work outside the home a few hours per week, i know my primary place, my camp is beside these young people, day in and day out.
you are making a difference, friend.
tiffany p.
Amen!
Gretchen
EXACTLY! 🙂
Darrell Powell
You have the Holy Spirit living in you. When you talked about experiencing this with your son I knew exactly what you were feeling. I feel it a lot, as I go. And how dare you say, "what if I were somewhere writing."
You are somewhere and you are writing. Listen to this fantasy song and be called up to the 3rd heaven: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HoqJH5FGRA&fe…
darrell
LaceyKeigley
You are kind Darrell. Thank you.
Rachel
I so needed this today. Thank you. And I did think of you & prayed for you while I deboned my chicken yesterday! It was fairly easy (cooked it in the crock pot & the meat literally fell off the bones!). Anyway… thank you for this post!
LaceyKeigley
(I often use the crock pot method too!)
And thank you for praying for me.
What an unexpected blessing that has been to this internet/blog journey!
shelley
Beautiful. Splendid reminder of why we do what we do. And the pic of Otto with his head back, howling with laughter was the exclamation point to the post!
LaceyKeigley
Thank you.
I so appreciate your love of my photos of the kids – I love how you think my otto is just as adorable as I think he is!