There were no published words last week.  So you might imagine I have a lot of stored up words for right now.

And that’s kind of true.

I used good old pen and paper and hand wrote quite a bit the last week.  It was satisfying.

Maybe those ramblings will find the light of day.  And maybe they won’t.

Holidays make me feel all sorts of things and some of that stuff I like to share and some of that stuff it’s better if I don’t.

Being divorced has not stopped being hard.  That brokenness is never more evident that when a season demands and promotes traditions and memories and family and togetherness.  We all recognize that the holidays create a load of challenges to wade through in families where both parents live in the same home.  It just multiplies when you add in extra elements and multiple houses and broken relationships.

So there’s all that.

The unsaid and the spoken.  The expectation and the reality.

The is and the might have been.

But that’s not what this weekend ramble is about.

Not because I’m afraid to talk about that stuff.

(Read all the former blog posts.  I’m not too afraid to share my junk and all that stuff that piles up in my heart.)

But just because I don’t feel like talking about it right now.

Break Week was as lovely as ever.  Whenever it happens and I get tasks accomplished I think, “Wow.  Yeah.  I’m doing alright.  I’m getting stuff done.  Check lists are looking good.  I’ve got this.”  And then I remember.  I am only getting things accomplished because I literally do not have to do one gigantic part of my current job – educate five people.  So – you know.  We were able to bake pies and put together TWO puzzles and watch movies – Netflix has it going on with those cheesy Christmas movies that we adore.  Friends visited from Charlotte and some house projects were accomplished and a few decorations were put out and we hardly left the house and that was fabulous.

I did a decent amount of Christmas shopping from my computer which is pretty much the only way I like to shop.  Pajamas are purchased.  Most of the books for our Books on the Bed on Christmas Eve tradition have been bought.

We talked about upcoming birthday parties – Mosley turns fifteen.  (If you are counting, that is TWO fifteen year old girls.  I’m fine.  We’re fine. No one has high emotions and dramatic episodes here.  I don’t know what you’re talking about.)  I’m thinking about using an online invite for her party – Paperless Post – have you tried it?)

I took a hike with some friends and they included me right in their clan and that was really special.

The boys put a Charlie Brown tree in their room and cut out paper snowflakes to decorate it and for some reason I just think that’s super adorable.  Maybe because those are the same boys who wrestle constantly and who have to be literally tackled to finish their school work but seeing them still have these young tender hearts that are filling with the joy of Christmas and those simple pleasures – well, that fills me up too.

There is a jar filled with homemade peppermint patties in my freezer and I can’t remember who the person was that completed Whole 30 because now sugar wants to become my life force again.

I like how Thanksgiving seemed earlier this year so it feels like we get a bonus Christmas week and that is the best feeling.

We’re still planning on completing the classic old Christmas Chain this year and we’ll get our Christmas tree on the first of December because that’s when we do that and I realized this year that London only has TWO official more Christmases left in high school and I can’t think about that because it’s too ….. everything.  This morning over brunch we had serious conversations about college and gap years and tech schools and debt and career choices.  I loved every second and my heart hurt with each word.  It’s a delight to be in our house with these people growing up and becoming and I want to wrap my arms wide around every bit of it.  But it’s knife blade sharp too, the sting of time’s passage and changing roles and a letting go.  Of course, we also talked about arranged marriages and movie plots, calligraphy and Christmas lights so we covered the range pretty well.

It was a good week despite the complications and the inherently messy nature of our lives.  And I am always a little blue when a break week has to turn back into a business week.

Balance is hard.  And I would pick fun and adventure and change all day long, every day.

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