some tiny epiphanies via my quarantine education

Even if we didn’t try in the least, we’ve all learned something during this last month of stay at home, quarantine, shutdown and forced stillness.

We’ve seen what was true about ourselves and what we love and what we miss. Even if we kept our eyes shut to this sort of self awareness, it was bound to leak in through some crevice or slit.

I certainly learned a few things and here’s what some of them are in no regular order:

My life is full without ANY outside influences.

Literally, even when my calendar is an actual blank slate, it is not an actual blank slate.

Parenting is a full time job and it requires all the effort all the time and even when the calendar is clear there are still heavy burdens to lift in the upbringing of so many tender souls.

Staying home constantly didn’t solve my busy issues.

Staying home constantly didn’t allow me to have giant gaps of free time to write the next great novel.

Staying home constantly didn’t turn me into a happy homemaker whipping out the freshly baked bread or the home cooked meals any more than I already was doing. I mean, yes – maybe a tiny bit more but not a significant difference.

Staying home constantly didn’t keep my home tidier or allow me space to finish every home project. Yes, I did get a handful of things done. But, truthfully, I make time for home projects a lot anyway. I love home projects.

Staying home constantly wasn’t really very painful to me.

Shoot, I liked it. I didn’t feel trapped or stuck. I was grateful to have no need to tag team driving to youth group and math class, dental appointments and grocery trips, study dates and hang out sessions.

And, if I’m really honest, I didn’t miss half the stuff I used to do even though I like the stuff I was doing.

Despite what my sixteen year old daughter thinks, I am an introvert. And the deeper I delve into my introvertedness, the longer I want to stay there.

I mean, I want all the things to open back up but I don’t know if I want to leave my house again. But not from fear, just because I like being home.

Staying home constantly didn’t change my natural inclination to stay up late and wake up even later. I like nights better. It’s just how it is. I don’t even care to try to fight it all that much any longer. I don’t care.

Having a clear calendar with no social engagements and supposed extra margin for space does not create in me a desire to exercise. I just don’t like it. If I have unlimited time in the schedule I still will not choose to voluntarily exercise routinely.

It is a gift, maybe a selfish one, to have my kids home and to not have to compete with their friends for their time. Yep, I know it’s selfish. Which is why I let them have lives in non quarantine times but you didn’t hear me complaining about their sudden lack of a social life when the stay at home orders went in place. I know more than anything else in my life that my time with these hooligans is short, growing shorter day by day, and so I’m okay with the fact that my junior in high school has had to play more games of Bananagrams with me than ever before. Cool. I’ll take it.

I apparently won’t finish all of my work even if I am home all day. I will still procrastinate – maybe it’s a puzzle or a conversation or a decision to make banana bread when a writing deadline is looming. All the extra time in the world won’t change that, it is now clear if it wasn’t already clear before.

Alright.

Going outside IS good for your insides.

I wrote that on the wall when the kids were younger. London loves to disagree with my assertion of its validity. But, goodness. it is just true. I feel better when I go outside.

And – the things I forget to remind myself of are still the same – I forget to go outside. I forget to practice what I preach. I forget to offer myself grace.

__________________________________