notes from the burrow. not in any particular order.

Today I took a walk with Mosely. We walked the streets near our home.

I looked down at my attire.

I laughed.

It wasn’t terrible, I guess, but it was definitely more wear-this-at-home-only. (Although there WERE pants, so that’s progress – right?)

I guess I’ve reached a new low. In attire and in personal grooming.

And I haven’t put on earrings in over a week. That sounds small, but it’s not to me. It’s indicative of my sense of being ready for the day.

What’s making me lazy? Avoiding the shower? Sleeping in too late?

Is it Coronavirus?

Is it forty-six?

Is it a funk that’s pretty easy to fall under right now?

Yeah. All three.

Is it the fact that I’ve been single for the longest amount of time in my life?

Since I was about 15 I have had a crush on a boy or have been dating a boy or engaged to a man or married to a man.

It’s been a rather long dry spell. Do grown ups have crushes? I don’t even know the lingo.

I don’t have one, if you’re asking. A crush, that is.

I don’t even know anyone to have a crush on.

And my circle is rather small anyway. And increasingly smaller every day.

Anyway – that’s a rabbit hole none of us have time to tunnel through.

You might think – what difference does this quarantine make to you guys? You’re home a lot. You already homeschool.

And you’d be right.

Sort of.

We do already homeschool. That’s true. But we have math class twice a week. We have co op all day on Thursdays. We have piano lessons and meals with friends. We go hiking and we hang out with buddies and do group studies. My three teenagers all have part time jobs. I work every day and have routine meetings.

We’re not at home all together all day every day. Just like most of you aren’t.

Anyway – the days here have been like the days at your house. Moments of lovely. More board games after dinner. More inside jokes. More time to walk together. More time to bake. Hours together. Puzzle working together.

And.

Crabby kids fighting over who gets the right to use the computer for their next Zoom meeting/conference call/connection with their friends/class lecture. Kids who have been hanging out with only one another too long. Kids who need OTHER PEOPLE who don’t share their last name. The same chores. The same turkey sandwiches. The same salad Mom keeps putting out until it’s actually consumed. Bergen said to me this week, “Man, Mom – you sure are pushing that salad on us this week.” Yeah man, just EAT IT.

Truly, there is very little to complain about. I like these people. The internet allows me to keep working at my house. We are healthy at the moment. My loved ones in other houses are healthy at the moment. Our house is dry and happy and although we have our moments of tears and frustration, we’re a safe place with no fears of abuse or neglect or hunger.

None of these good good gifts are lost on me.

And yet.

It’s still a weird hard place to be right now.

There’s still a heaviness hanging over our days and creeping up in our prayers. (And yes, it gets heavier when I look too long at the news or focus too much on what I cannot control.)

Maybe tomorrow I’ll get up on time. I already know the value of routine and structure so it makes me extra annoyed at myself when I disregard routine even though I know the cost. Truthfully, I’d ALWAYS rather do the fun than the required. Always rather play games than work. Always rather laugh than be serious.

This is a random status update of how the days are going here.

I expect tomorrow will be more of the same.

Maybe I’ll wear earrings. One can never tell.

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