epiphany: the order of things

For the last four and a half years there has been a lot on my plate.

What other cliches could I use?

My hands are full
Plates have been spinning.
I’m constantly putting out fires.

For months now (possibly longer) I’ve been going to bed and I’ve been waking up with the same question.

How can I keep doing all this?

For months I’ve been having random, short conversations with friends and lengthy long internal conversations with myself.

What can I drop? How can I manage my time better?

There have been no real answers.

When you homeschool in the state of South Carolina (or maybe every state – I don’t know) you are required to name your school.  It’s something that hardly raises its head in importance until you’re completing a diploma – at the end of the game.

We officially named our school the year Riley graduated from it.

And I have a friend with her first senior this year and the name of her school is lovely.  But because of my brain and all the spinning plates, I can’t currently recall the exact Latin words she chose, but I can recall their translation.

And that translation is what was directly on my mind this morning when my eyes popped open and I sat up in bed – with some sort of epiphany.

(Epiphany is a word and an idea I’ve always enjoyed, but that’s beside the point.)

Ordering Loves.

That’s the translation of her school’s name. 

It’s perfect – right? Isn’t education the exact process of ordering loves?

Putting in the correct order. Giving time to the correct truth or habit or interest at the correct time.

Ordering Loves.

And, like a little lightbulb over my head, that’s what I realized I was missing.

The correct ordering of my loves.

I’ve got many loves.

Homeschool. Raising my children. Running Travelers Rest Here. Friendships. Writing this blog. Relationships. Community. Teaching at Meadowlark. Working on the new magazine. Travel. Studying. Reading. Continued self education.  (Not in any order and not an exhaustive list.)

And I have not done the best job of ordering those loves over the past several years.

Or – maybe, in an attempt to offer myself grace – I have done the best job I could do under the circumstances.  I don’t know.  But I do know that the ordering is out of whack currently.

And that was the epiphany.

I need to get it back in order. 

Of course, all I woke up with was the epiphany.

Words to diagnose the situation.

I didn’t wake up with the solution.

The correct ordering.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up with another epiphany that fixes all of this.

That clears my mind and a light from heaven that shines on each category and tells me how to do this life correctly.

More likely, I need to begin a few difficult conversations.  With friends. And with myself.

To get this order right.

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