The stack of stuff to do on any given day is high.

The ability for me to focus lately is low.

Maybe it’s spring fever or distracted living or too many plates spinning while riding a tilt-a-whirl.

It’s not the first time I have felt like this.

It will not be the last.

They’re all seasons, right?  And they all pass.

But the nights are finding me too tired to process my thoughts intelligently and the mornings are too early to string sentences together.  The days are full of mothering and teaching and business running.

Those three situations present some tricky issues for a writer.

It’s been a challenge to get the words to flow of late.  To make the space to secure the head room to sit with thoughts and ideas, to create and imagine.

And as the kids grow older, my nights are more and more interrupted (not by nursing infants who need to eat all the time) but by teenagers and preteens who need to talk.

My days are demanding restructuring and I’m not sure I have the tools to do that sort of shifting.

But I’m working on it.  I’m figuring it out.

Because I have to.  Because the late night teen conversations matter deeply to me.  Because currently my life requires me to balance time and spread myself in directions that sometimes seem at odds with one another.

It mostly all feels manageable until that moment in the dark, right after I turn out the lights and my head hits the pillow.  And my brain downshifts despite my reasonable attempts to slide it into neutral.  It’s not in overdrive, it’s more like a barely contained coast down a steep hill.  I don’t want to burn my brakes out so I’m using the gears to slow it all down.  It sort of works.  

Deep breaths.  Focus on the list.  Do the next thing.

Sundays I strive to keep as stress free days.  Days with little to no media and days spent generally at home until evening.

It’s like a long exhale after holding my breath all week long.

I’m grateful for Sundays.  For rest.  For laughing with the kids.  For lounging.

Although this week’s Sunday was different, it was still so very good.  Still a breath of life and energy.  A boost to the system.

May it be enough to carry me through.

___________________________