It’s been hard to ignore.

The news in our county here.  The local news.  Allegations about our county’s sheriff.  Accusations of sexual harassment and abuse.

I’m not saying I know the entire truth.  Only two people probably can say that.

The first articles and news stories written months ago were only about the accusations, the claims made by a former employee.  Now that a formal investigation has begun there was a statement made, a press release, words uttered by the sheriff himself, the man accused of sexual harassment and abuse of power.

The sheriff issued a statement admitting an “incident”.  Confessing to an extramarital affair.  A “slip of judgement” one local representative declared it.  The sheriff himself repeatedly called it “an encounter”.  (Euphemisms bother me.  Because they allow the listener – and the speaker – to hear something for less than it actually is.  To play it down.  Euphemisms take the sting out when the sting is what we all actually need to be reminded of.)

Again.  I do not know the entire truth.  None of the readers (nor probably writers) of these articles I’ve read know the entire truth either.

But I do know this:

People with upstanding moral character do not commit adultery.

People with upstanding moral character do not commit adultery, lie about it and then confess later.

There’s a real problem here.

And the problem isn’t just with the persons having the affair.

The reactions of local leaders and local government officials have been heavily featured in the articles and the news stories.  What does this judge think?  What does this representative think?  How about this lawmaker?  What do the taxpayers believe?  Apparently everyone’s opinion about this is making the news somehow.  (Probably because the lack of real information available or able to be discussed since a court case is pending.)

And here’s what some of those voices are saying, what some of the direct quotes from our county’s leaders and officials are.

Phrases like, “I’m not sure about his personal life, but he’s helped keep drugs off our streets” and “I don’t know what’s true here or not true, but I know he is a good sheriff and all of my experiences with him have been positive” and “I don’t really think his personal life matters, as long as he is a good sheriff”.

And reading all of those comments made me somehow angrier (and sadder) than reading about this young sheriff’s public confession of adultery that is sure to be train wrecking some young wife and mother quietly behind the closed doors of her home, in her kitchen at night and after tucking their children into bed.

It’s not that I am unsympathetic to his wife and to his children.  If you know me, you know that’s not true.  I ache for her.  For her picking up the pieces and for her talking to her children.  What is now and what is to come.

But my anger is for the mindset that has these comments being spoken.

You guys.  If this man makes terrible decisions in his personal life, this man will make terrible decisions in his professional life.  If a person’s motivations are selfish at home, then they’re selfish everywhere else too.  If you will abuse power (and a boss sleeping with an employee is always an abuse of power, as well as an abuse of the law) in one capacity at work, you will abuse power in another capacity at work.

You are not a “good sheriff” if you think your time in office should be spent seeking sexual pleasures from your subordinate.

We wonder why abuse is rampant.  Why in the news a story about a sex trafficking ring that includes literal infants has just been discovered and brought to light.  Why half of your Facebook feed is filled with women saying “me too” to indicate that they have been sexually assaulted at some point in their lives.

It’s because we say out loud in public forums, “You can live any way you like, it won’t affect anyone”.

Rubbish.

You cannot live any way you like and not eventually become that person everywhere.  If you think it is okay to use sex as a weapon or a tool at work, then you’ll think it’s okay to do that at home.  Or for co-workers to do that.  You’ll turn a blind eye when a disadvantaged person is mistreated or marginalized because you are convinced that people don’t count if they aren’t benefitting you.

Yes, it matters what your personal life is.  Yes, it matters what you do at home and what you do in the dark and how you wield your strength and your influence.

Goodness – what on earth are all of us as parents trying to teach our children?  Be kind to your siblings.  Lift up others when they’re down.  Pay attention to the lonely kids at your school.  Don’t be a bully.  Be fair.  Look out for those weaker than you.

We’re teaching that in the classroom and creating anti-bullying campaigns and initiatives and laws and yet, we adults say things like “It doesn’t matter what happens in your personal life, as long as you’re good at your job.”

No.

That’s not true.

People in positions of power, our law makers and our law enforcers, they need to follow the law.  (We all need to follow the law.)  To live within the bounds of the law.  To pursue truth and to be the truth.

And the rest of us looking on need to not excuse immoral behavior, sexual relationships on the clock, condoning adultery, accepting the lie that we can compartmentalize our selfish choices and keep those choices from creating havoc and fall out for everyone around us.

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