the plan we’re living . . .
Sometimes I know I can be a sub-par mother.
We continually go to bed without taking the time to change into pajamas. I forget to have my children brush their teeth, especially in the mornings. That shower after swimming rule (and shower before swimming rule) has never been enforced strongly at our home. The kitchen lives in a perpetual state of dishes needing to be loaded, floor needing to be swept. It’s easy to let things slide when your plate is so very full. It’s hard to be the only grown up enforcing all the house rules.
Early on in the Aftermath of the earthquake that shook our home apart, I remember a friend telling me that my life was not suddenly Plan B. My kids weren’t living the Plan B either. They were just living The Plan. I still waver a little on how I see that entirely, on how that breaks down in my own mind. I do firmly believe in a God who neither instigates nor creates chaos, but who does, in fact, redeem and bring beauty from the broken, the hard, the impossible.
Sometimes I see other families living the life that I wish I was living.
When we visited the ranch last summer I watched the family that lives there. Husband, wife – looking every bit like a team. Five children. Educating as we do. Living and breathing Colorado mountain air.
I think of being able to give that experience to my children and I feel the familiar pull of emotional pain of What Is Not Possible and I ache a little and I train my heart to trust in a future that includes my present story as the Exact Plan God Will Use To Make Men and Women of my little men and women.
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4 Comments
Sara
Your post, especially the beginning, made me laugh. Who does all that stuff? No one I know. There are so many Important things that something has to go.
But I remember a day that I got in bed and burst into tears. Melvin, being the gentlemen that he is, sleepily rolled over and asked what was wrong. I replied that the speech therapist said Jasmine needed x, x and x done daily. They occupational therapist brought a list of important things for mom to do for optimal results, as did the physical therapist and the educational therapist. Then, there was the social worker and visitation and doctors…and other kids with their own important needs.
He wisely said: You have to let something go. And ask all those therapists how you’re supposed to do all of that. (and went promptly to sleep. problem solved.)
We almost never brush teeth twice a day. I really, really mean to. And the swim shower rule? That counts as our daily (?) bathing.
I mourn with you the loss of the should-have-beens in your home. But never discount the impact of a godly mother in the lives of children, most particularly when there are consistent relationships with other godly families.
You are choosing joyful obedience in the midst of Hard. Your kids see this.
And-God’s got this.
Much love
laceykeigley
Ha – exactly – WHO does the stuff? That is exactly why you and I have been friends since forever – we DON’T do those things. But, trust me, plenty of moms do. 😉
And yes, your Melvin is always full of succinct truth. It’s what we all love and want to punch him for.
Thank you for your kind words too.
Chelsea
Yes! Swimming IS the shower! I was just looking at one of my boys tan neck (which isn’t actually tan) and thinking, good thing it’s almost pool season so that he can get a good soaking and actually look clean! Ha!
Yesterday our sides were provided (thanks Myra!) so all I did to prepare supper was put the meat in the oven. That left me time to tackle the messy kitchen including piles of pots and pans to be washed by hand. Some I realized had been waiting for 12 days. No joke. Oh well. Felt good to have clean counters and sink when I went to bed, but let’s be honest- the messy floors had to wait for another day. It’s like a rule that only for special occasions can the whole room actually be clean all at once. ?
laceykeigley
Yeah – that’s our rule too.
And those tan necks — so tricky, aren’t they?