Dear Lady After Me at the Checkout Counter at Trader Joe’s,
My daughter was watching your face as you watched my kids and I bag our groceries. As you received a phone call and chatted loudly, noting your annoyance at how long it was taking to get out of the store today because it was soooo slow. Saw your face as you grimaced and barely maintained civility when my EBT card functioned improperly. Watched your face as you eyed our grocery choices and our clothing choices and whatever other choices you decided didn’t measure up to your standard on your exceptionally busy Sunday afternoon.
Hey. Maybe you were having an incredibly hectic day. Maybe it was awful and a burden and a struggle and maybe your day was filled with rotten and I was the last straw for you. Me and five kids and two grocery carts full of stuff. We were just too much for you.
I don’t know.
I don’t know you, actually. As in – you and I are absolute and complete strangers. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. I don’t know who was on the other end of your phone conversation and I don’t know exactly why your eyes were rolling and your sighs were growing and your annoyance level was so palpable that my children took note.
And you don’t know me. You don’t know that we hadn’t been to the store in two weeks so our load was extra large. You don’t know that using an EBT card is a pride struggle for me every single trip to the grocery store. And you don’t know that the EBT card balance is nowhere near enough to cover groceries monthly for a family of six. I am grateful for the extra help and I don’t feel entitled to it at all – but it’s not enough. You don’t know that my kids wear clothes from the thrift store and that my dress is five years old and my gorgeous leather bag you keep staring at was one hundred percent no cost. (And his name is Sean Penn, in case you’re wondering.) You don’t know. And I’m guessing you don’t care.
And that is fine. You don’t have to care.
I just sort of wish you would not care a little less obviously next time.
_____________________________
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9 Comments
Karen
This hurts.
It hurts me for you and for your kids. And for the lady who checked you out.
But it hurts mostly because I’ve been that lady. I’ve silently (or not so silently) judged and formed opinions without having any idea what the story is.
Grace and mercy. Two things I’m so grateful for.
And for opportunities to learn and grow and make wiser choices.
laceykeigley
Well – you’ve got it exactly right.
Grace and mercy.
As surely as I was judged that afternoon, I’ve judged as well.
That’s why we are always trying to do better when we know better.
darrell powell
don’t you let those kids go hungry..you know my e-mail address
laceykeigley
🙂 Thanks!
Lana
I does not get easier to swipe that card does it? I know from the 9 months that hubby was unemployed 3 years ago. And then there are the cashiers who are full of bad attitudes about it, too. I’m sorry. One time in Aldi I checked out in front of a Mom and young son and when I swiped my card the little guy got all excited because I had the card, too. Somehow it validated his family. It really made me sad. More hugs for you all.
PS-why do customers in a hurry get behind fully loaded carts? Or people who are in a hurry at the gas station get behind Suburbans? (Ours had a 44 gallon tank.)
laceykeigley
Good questions.
WHY do they get behind full loads? 🙂 And big Suburbans?
Heather Snyder
I kind of was able to laugh when I read this one Lacey because I think that same lady stands behind me every time I go to the grocery store with my six kiddos. Heehee I feel your pain….
laceykeigley
Ha — maybe they have a club!
Sara
Oh. Lacey.
I love you and I am sorry. For you and for your kids.
(And for the grocery line lady.)
How easy it is to judge others and how often we know nothing.
How often-to my shame-I am guilty.
Help me, God, see people. People You love and choose.
And Lacey, hold tight to these True words through the hurt:
“We know God has chosen you, dear sister, much beloved of God. The Good News did not come to you as just meaningless chatter. It produced a powerful effect on you for the Holy Spirit gave you great and full assurance. You became a follower of the Lord and received the Message with joy from the Holy Spirit in spite of the trials and sorrows it brought you.
Then you became an example to all other Christians and the Word has spread out from you to others everywhere and we hear people speaking of your remarkable faith in God.” -from I Thess 1