six steps behind . . .
Crisis makes you weird.
A different version of you.
Like – kind of a foggy you. A you about six steps behind the regular you.
A you who forgets things you never forgot before.
And then, sometimes, when the crisis has ended, you sort of end up a mix of the you you once were and the you that crisis helped shape you to be.
I’m not sure I am making sense.
I over schedule lots of days now.
I feel as if frequently life is happening to me and I am saying “yes” to this or “yes” to that and then suddenly the “yeses” collide and I furrow my eyebrows together and ask myself (usually out loud) “Did I actually really plan all three of those events on the exact same day at the exact same time?”
For a while I think I kept telling myself that it was all just a season.
But maybe it’s time to admit it’s just who I have become. The After Crisis me. (Or the Mid-Crisis Me. Because, seriously, I am not confident I’d call this crisis complete, really.)
I need the occasional friendly reminder from a close buddy to prioritize my time, to use the word “no” with freedom and clarity. The nudge and the encouragement to remember that few things are as urgent as they feel in the moment. Texts can go unreturned. Situations can be put on hold and people can be told, “Please wait. I’ll let you know later.”
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9 Comments
Marie Garreau
My crisis was much different than yours, but I relate in a way. Once you’re kicked into crisis mode it’s hard to kick yourself back out. You do, do, do, cuz you have to, and adrenaline carries you through until one day… the adrenaline runs out and you sit on the floor and wonder why things are just so crazy! Say no with freedom my friend. You live before God and He knows we are dust. (isn’t it great that the only one who really matters knows how weak we are?) Praying for you.
laceykeigley
Yes!
And – I imagine in your story – crisis also shifted and morphed into something like a new normal by adding so many cute babies to the chaos.
That’s how I always felt when we had five under six for a season. It’s a good kind of crazy — but it’s still a kind of crazy.
Kathy Young
Crisis certainly changes us all. And yet the change is not bad or good just different and new and that is okay. It might make us laugh less or laugh more; cope in ways we didn’t know we could and yet God is still using it all in our lives to mold us, shape us, draw us to Him. Thanks for sharing!
Shelley
Beth Moore says her mom came to hear her speak once after she (Beth) had gone through deep crisis. Her mom wasn’t happy with her presentation and said, “You used to be funnier!” Beth replied, “Life used to be funnier.”
laceykeigley
exactly.
Angela McKaskle
Crisis can and will change you. I’ve been through plenty. The key is to not let it make you cold and bitter. You are a beautiful soul, a great mother, and a shining example of grace under pressure. Hugs my old friend.
laceykeigley
Goodness. Seeing your name brought back a flood of memories — some wonderful and some very painful. (Because of sharing your experiences vicariously. I’m thinking living room and packing boxes.)
Ah, friend.
Yes — you have endured more than your portion.
Angel
Thank you for writing this. Yes I completely agree crisis changes you. So often the people closest to me are now saying who are you? You’re not the same person. I’m not, thats right. I’m different now and different isn’t always bad. It’s just different.
laceykeigley
Sometimes different is just different, you’re right.