contrary truth

You want to know something true but so contrary?

You can have a day that feels as if the very air of the universe is aligning and giving you good gifts.

Friends can send you the sweetest texts and your grocery bill can be paid by a complete stranger.

You can hold the good gifts in both of your hands and count them two by two.  You can laugh a little and smile some too.

You can stare into the gloriously golden faces of the stellar humans who call you “mom”.

And you can feel grateful.  Grateful can ooze out of your lips and off your tongue and through the smooth tips of your fingers.

And yet.

And yet you can still feel in your heart

the Struggle.

Nothing seems Enough.

There can be a Broken and a Heavy and a Hard that is so terrible and so hurtful and so confusing

that you think there will never be an end in sight.

If you live long enough, you’re going to be introduced first-hand to the Impossibly Hard, the Ridiculously Unjust, the Painfully Unfair.

This week alone I have watched friends face heartache over the loss of beloved people, the pain of rejection, the sting of sin crashing down, failed relationships, health crisis, financial wrecking.  And this week I’ve seen friends elated at golden opportunities, rejoiced with friends celebrating good good news – births and abundance.

It’s a thrill ride, you guys – this life.

But the thrills aren’t always thrilling.

The roller coaster careens right and left before it lurches uphill.  There’s the loop de loop and the rush of the wind in your face and you might be strapped in, but your stomach is still surprised at the jars and the shifts.

Fear and hope hold hands when you realize that the same day that promises grief, carries love.  The same moment that projects joy, hides sorrow.

And there’s that ever increasing temptation to sit this one out.

You know what I mean?

Take the bench.  Be the designated purse holder whose stomach is a little queasy.  Tell your buddies, “You ride the roller coaster.  I’ll meet you by the cotton candy.”

Because – you guys – I said this in a text to a friend a few hours ago –

Life is HARD.

And yes, it’s beautiful and hopeful and all those good words too.

It is. 

No one is forgetting that.  No one is disagreeing.

But it’s also really truly incredibly hard at the same time.