…..

Tonight I sent my friend this text:

What is happening?

My life is moving so very fast.

And so incredibly slow.

I can’t stand the task of cleaning.

Particularly bathrooms.

I spent an hour cleaning our bathroom recently.

And yet.  Today it looks wrecked again.  Wet towels on the floor.  (Sure, it’s hard to hang the towels up when the hooks are so high and half of our house residents are not tall enough to reach them.)  Bathroom rug needs shaking.  Again.  Feels pretty pointless – the cleaning up routine.

I’ll awake with incredible purpose and drive and ambition.  You know – all high hopes and rise and shine and let’s make this day count for something.  Stardust in my hair.  Glitter in my eyes.  Blueberry muffins piping hot and freshly squeezed orange juice glowing on the counter.  (Yeah.  Not really any of that food stuff, but – the intention part, true enough.)

And then a text or an animal mishap or a preadolescent child breakdown or a home project gone south will send my day right back down to the nether lands, whisking my attitude and my sense of motivation right along with it.

Some days are just like that.

Some weekends.

Shoot, some entire months.

I’m learning to give myself some grace.   To see us all in this tsunami and to know it isn’t a life, it’s a season.

I will complete my sentences fully again one day.

I will plan an entire week’s worth of menus again instead of one or two and a heap and a pile of winging it nights.

Right now I keep trying to point my heart in the right direction.  To take captive every wily and frightening thought.

To have eyes to see the simple and perfect moment that happened in my living room tonight as brother vs brother were lying in the floor playing a paper war game.