let’s talk about sex

It is an absolutely unpopular idea.

Even amongst Christians.

And I cannot, for the life of me, figure out exactly why.

We reward all kinds of nonsensical, foolish, unworthy things in our culture.

But we’re quiet on this front.

There’s a serious lack of praise for two people who choose to say no to sex outside of the bonds of marriage and to say yes to purity.

It’s an out of fashion idea.

We believe it’s an impractical request.  A holy grail.  Mission impossible.

Christian parents say to their children, “Listen.  You should wait to have sex until you get married.  But I know that’s really hard.  So.  Let me tell you about condoms and pills and shots that you can use if you can’t wait.”

And when we know a couple who has actually managed to walk through the fires of high school and college dating and somehow come out on the other side without a stack of sexual partners or one night stands or a series of long term relationships, we look at them as if they have to be lying.  We’re incredulous.

We don’t say, “Good work.  Praise God.  What a lovely and beautiful tale you are weaving for your life’s story.”

We say, “What? Are you alright?  Are you normal?  You’re lying – right?”

As if we are afraid of hurting people’s feelings who couldn’t cut it.  As if by recognizing and praising a couple who chose to walk in the light and flee from temptation we are pointing our fingers at the people who live with their girlfriends and are in a perpetual state of “sleeping over”.

Please hear me.  I believe in a God of second chances.  A God of hope and redemption and restoration.  I believe in a God who says nothing can pluck you from His hands.  A God who offers endless grace and a wiping away of past sins and offers glory and love and compassion.  I believe in a God who meets us where we are and who took our place on a cross so that the heavy price of all those sins lined up in our past miraculously and marvelously does not have to be paid by us.

I think God also gives us a guide.  A path of light through the dark night.  A better way.

And when you choose the better way, it is —- well —– better.

And when we see a couple attempting to choose a better way our response should be one of encouragement and guidance and praise.

And when a couple, by God’s incredible grace and mercy, makes it to the alter as two virgins who waited to share their sexual union exclusively with one another we should all be singing the hallelujah chorus.

Does that path guarantee marital bliss?

Well of course not.

But it offers an opportunity, the groundwork, for what can make an ordinary marriage an extraordinary one.  Self-denial. Thoughtfulness. Patience. Obedience. A big picture mentality. Sacrifice.

I’m not saying we should degrade people who are guilty of having premarital sex. I’m not saying our love for them should change.  I’m not saying it’s an unforgivable sin.

Do you dislike your best friend’s husband if you find out he struggles with pornography?  Do you stop socializing with them?  No.  Of course not.  But do you cheer him on and treat it like an inevitable natural outcome? I doubt it.

But it seems we, collectively, turn a blind eye to young sexual exploits. We ignore the painful consequences of a culture embracing sexual freedom.

We believe that, as parents, if we struggled with sexual sin in our early twenties then we have no place to offer guidance to our children.

But we shouldn’t be offering our guidance.  We shouldn’t be offering our hope.  We don’t have to be offering our better way.

We have truth.  We’re pointing to strength to avoid temptation because of Jesus’ power – not our own puffed up attempts at righteousness.

We have hope.  A promise that wisdom and fulfillment wait on the other side.

We have grace.  The opportunity to reach enlightenment and to change our direction.

There’s a heavy cost to awakening the desires of love before their time.

And, as a culture, as parents, as human beings, we need to stop excusing sinful behavior as just how things are these days and instead hold up a beautiful and better way as a real and achievable possibility.

And rejoice when we see it come to fruition.