the enigma without the solution

Most days Every day of my life I wish for one thing ….

more time.

Am I the only mother who feels this way?

Never mind answering that.

I know I am not.

What I am saying here is not profound.  It is not unusual.

But it’s still so painfully true.

There is simply never enough time within one day to fit in all the ideas/thoughts/activities/plans that I have.

I can assume it is the season in which I currently reside.

I assume that when the little birds fly away from the nest, time will appear to move differently to me.

That’s the crazy thing though, isn’t it?

I won’t need extra time then, but it’ll be mine.

I want extra time now, but it’s elusive.

The irony of all that just about wears me out.

Every day I think to myself – If I rise early enough I can get more things accomplished.  I can sit quietly and read in the cozy before-busy hours.  I can blog before the kids wake up.  I can be still and pray.

But every night I think to myself – Now the house is quiet.  I can sit quietly and read.  I can blog while the kids are asleep.  I can start projects.  I can check items off my never-completed to-do list.

And so I try to do both.

And feel guilty when I fail at both.

It’s a crazy cycle.

I stay up late and set my alarm early.  I push snooze and say – tomorrow, I’ll be a morning person.  Tomorrow I’ll figure out the balance.  Tomorrow I’ll be more awesome than I am today.  Tomorrow I’ll be orderly and efficient and make good use of my every second.

The problem is, of course, that there’s never been a tomorrow like that yet.