hello. my name is Lacey and this has been my day.

This is a true story.

We interrupt the planned post of wedding hoopla and gobs of cute pictures to share the following true-life events ……

(You cannot make this stuff up.)

Monday Night

11:30 p.m. – Arrive home, road weary and sleepy.  Children crawl into bed dirty and wearing the clothes they’ve been sporting all day.

11:40 p.m. – London reminds Kevin that her throat feels a little funny.  He flashes a light in her mouth and sees the tell-tale signs of white streaks on her tonsils.

Tuesday Morning

8:00 a.m. – Drive Kevin into work because we are still a one-car family for now.  (Mentally plan to shower when I return home.)

8:10 a.m. – Drive by the feed supply store to purchase rabbit pellets for our hungry rabbits.

8:12 a.m. – Discover feed supply store is closed.

8:15 a.m. – Visit neighboring feed supply store.

8:30 a.m. – Call doctor’s office and make an appointment for 10 a.m.  (Wonder if that will allow time for showering.)

9:00 a.m. – Realize the porch is a disgusting wasteland of feces and foulness.  Apparently the kittens and the chickens wrecked havoc on the porch and mistook it for a toilet all weekend long.  Drag the hose over and scrub the porch inch by inch, spraying and scouring as I go.  Amidst the disgustingness I discover a half-chewed mole glued to the porch by its own entrails and a headless tiny snake stuck in a similar fashion.  Am I living in another century?  What is wrong with us?  Humiliated at our own level of filth and wonder if anyone saw this besides me.

10:00 a.m. – Complete the porch work and check the kitchen clock to see if a shower before the doctor’s appointment is in my future.  See that it’s 9:45 and have hopes that it is.  Check my phone to see it’s actually 10 a.m. and the kitchen clock has been reset inaccurately.  Sigh.  Gather a reluctant London and head to the doctor’s office.

10:30 a.m. – See the doctor.  See the doctor swab London’s throat.  Hear the doctor say London has strep throat.

10:50 a.m. – Send Riley a text that we are stopping at Target for a prescription and receive a text back that reads, “Standing water in the washer.  Thought that was fixed?”  I send back one word … “awesome”.

10:55 a.m. – Step out of the Suburban into a sudden downpour in the Target parking lot.  Leave the keys dangling in the ignition.  Ask London to lock the passenger side doors, which are broken.  After she locks them she asks, “Mom – do you have the car keys?”  To which I respond, “Of course,” as I stare into the locked window and see the car keys in the ignition.  Sort of laugh, sort of snort, sort of throw up in my mouth.  Cautiously walk to the rear and push the button.  Hear the Hallelujah Chorus go off in my mind as that single door somehow remained unlocked.  The car’s panic button has been alerted somehow and the car is beeping and honking but I’m so grateful the keys aren’t stuck inside that I don’t even rush to turn it off.

11:00 a.m. – Wade through the waiting game that is any pharmacy stop and wander the aisles finding deals no one needs.

11:30 a.m. – Arrive home.  Head back into the laundry room to check the washer and remember I need something from the giant chest freezer.  The giant chest freezer that contains the stored beef from our cow purchase this winter and the giant chest freezer that houses the ten batches of strawberry jam I’ve made this spring and the giant chest freezer that stores the sliced strawberries and diced chicken and homemade chicken broth.  The giant chest freezer that somehow decided to stop freezing at some unknown time this weekend while we were gone.  Tears escape my eyes as I stare at the bloody strawberry-juice-y liquid pooling at the bottom of the freezer.

And I could go on.

But really, what’s the point?

Thankfully, the day held no more super-crazy surprises and the kids and I worked together to save some of the freezer’s bounty and because it was going to be ruined if we didn’t – we all ate loads of steak tonight for dinner.

But I haven’t showered yet.

And now we can return to the regularly planned posts tomorrow featuring adorable pictures with children in bow ties and matching attire.

Thank you for listening.