me. lately.
I thought I had worked so long at loosening fear’s grip at my throat that I shouldn’t have to fight so hard any longer.
But isn’t that usually the way?
When you think you’ve made it, you get a little sloppy. You get a little lazy.
And you provide an opportunity to allow the exact thing you’ve been fighting to creep back into your mind.
You unwittingly create this tiny sink hole.
And because you’re so unprepared, so lacking in armor, you fall right in and risk being swallowed up by a monster you thought you’d already defeated.
That’s where I’ve been this week.
A little off-kilter.
Sensitive to what’s not being said.
Reading into actions and judging motives and creating hypothetical situations that should have no place in my heart.
Yesterday a woman shared some of her story at church. Hard, hard, unspeakably hard, times. And she said, “God gave me grace for where I was. But He didn’t give me grace for the hypothetical. For the what-if’s.”
And that’s where my struggle has been these last few days.
Not the right now.
God is being so gracious to our family in the right now.
But I keep tripping up over the what-could-be’s. The I-don’t-know’s. The what-if-I’m-wrong’s.
We’ve been working through Philippians for weeks at our church on Sundays.
Be anxious about nothing.
Rejoice in the Lord always.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble – think on these things.
And it’s exactly what I need to hear.
And precisely what I cannot seem to grasp.
4 Comments
quietgracesphotography
Usually the what ifs are my weak spot too.
Oh, wait. Make that: they ARE!
What if I could do this and do it well then would things be better?
What if I ask so and so on a mommy date and she declines?
What if I throw another one of those parties and not one person comes?
Yeah… I get that.
But my root problem isn't anxiety. Mine is usually discontent.
Gretchen
That is one of my favorite verses……….I call it TNRPLEAP………turnip leap…………..whatever is True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, Excellent, Admirable, and Praiseworthy……………..and I just try to turn my thoughts away from what I am thinking and try my best to start changing it to what is true about this, what is noble, with is right……….etc………….. One way to combat those crazy thoughts in my head!!!!! 🙂
shelley
Yeah, I heard that quote loud and clear on Sunday too!! This has been an incredible series. I always tell myself that if a thought pops into my mind that starts of, "What if . . . " I'm already heading down the wrong thought trail. I never have the grace and presence of God today for the "what if's" of the future. Love you!
LaceyKeigley
Thanks for reading early!
I checked my messages before heading out for the day and there is this sweet response. A reminder that I am not alone.
I have long appreciated that we are traveling the long journey together-ish. 🙂