I’ll go first . . .
There’s another way I’d like to be free.
Free from fear of others’ opinions.
Free from the temptation of trying to appear to be something I am not.
I think we blog and facebook and tweet in a world that is far too easy to be fake.
To be pretend.
We write about the funniest moments.
Or the sweetest moments.
Our facebook albums are filled with the birthdays and the celebrations and the good times.
We can morph ourselves into whatever shape we want in this digital pseudo-reality.
And while it’s true that sometimes we are those people in the happy photographs,
it seems to me that most often
we are not.
And, I’ll confess, I think women are more guilty than men.
And I think mothers might be the worst of them all.
We share tidbits on how to get out darling children to sleep better, learn more, act differently, eat healthier foods.
We put quotes and snippets about our loving husbands and their kind acts, their generous ways and their amazing gifts.
We act as if our lives are completely fulfilled and our days are happy-go-lucky.
I don’t think those things are bad.
I don’t think those snippets and tidbits are lies.
I just think,
they aren’t the whole picture.
They don’t tell the entire story.
And sometimes when we look at other people’s lives through the microscopic lens of social media,
we do something especially damaging.
We compare.
Now, that’s our sin and not the person putting up the cutesy messages and the sweet tweets.
However.
I think if we,
particularly women,
specifically mothers,
shared the Other Side a little more often,
we’d all benefit.
And something like genuine community might actually blossom.
Okay.
I’ll go first.
I think I am crazy a lot of days.
I waste inordinate amounts of time.
I have been doing a lazy job homeschooling my children lately.
I am tired every day.
I keep coming face to face with the question, “Is this job of motherhood enough?”
And I spend many hours believing that I am the only person who has these thoughts.
There.
Your turn.
12 Comments
Kara
I sort of used this to spur on a blog entry of my own…well, it was an entry I was going to write, anyway, but it sort of worked with it. Of course, I have a TON more faults that I need to be a lot less cautious in revealing!
shelley
You read my mind. You expressed my thoughts. You convicted my heart.
Bev
Well, I think we tryt to focus on the positive things, the happy things instead of complaining or talking about negative things, because no one wants to be around a person who is negative a lot. That is why we post happy pics and funny or fun things. It would be so great if we all could be transparent and vulnerable and real. It is hard because we are afraid people will not want to be around us, or they will not understand, think we are weird, talk about us behind our backs, misjudge us, misunderstand us, etc. It certainly would be freeing if we all would just be open, if we would all be loving, non-judgemental and honest. I just don't know how to bring that about. This is certainly a good start for you, Lacey to be willing to be open and share things honestly. Thanks. Hey, guess what, we are all human and it's good to hear that we all have so many short-comings. Aren't we glad that we have a perfect Heavenly Father who understands us completely and loves us unconditionally. It is good to post these thoughts, 'cause, as they say "confession is good for the soul"
myra
Beautifully written. Transparency in relationships is becoming more elusive and thus God’s use of community to change us through accountability suffers. We(I included)want to cover our sin and the internet/blog world is a great blanket. I am always praying that I don’t run to the inbox,new item,new recipe to appease me, but that I run to Him. The blog in and of itself is not evil, however I have felt I have used it as an escape – and we all know good things can be bad things when they take precedence over Christ. Thanks for writing this:) P.S. your blog is the only “person” I read because I really do think it glorifies God in opening up your struggles and pointing to Christ as the real solution
Simone
Okay – this will be my first ever blog-post, because what you wrote has been on my mind since I built my blog. In 2009. That I have not posted in because of the 1.) intimidation 2.) comparing 3.) not-worthiness feeling 4.) lack of time 5.) constant tiredness and stress and a million other excuses.
Thank you. I have been utterly intimidated by the "perfect" life all y'all bloggers live, that I cannot live up to. My home is chaos, we're a blended family with not always good relationships with "the exes", my house isn't clean enough, I'm sick to no end of the never finished home improvement projects in every.single.room.of.the.house, I don't cook enough meals myself, I am not a SAHM, sometimes I pay some bills late because somewhere in the course of this crazy family of 8 I have lost my organizational ways (*facepalm*), the newest vehicle in my driveway is a 2002 and it's on its last leg, English is my second language, I don't always like my kids' friends sleeping over or even coming over because it's an inconvenience to me (*GASP*), I struggle with my relationship with God daily, I don't always like date night because I prefer to sit snuggled up on the couch doing NOTHING, I'm having a hard time meeting new people in a relatively new place and thus I miss my friends, one of the reasons why I didn't go on a recent once-in-a-lifetime trip was because I was ashamed of being out of shape, I have not only yelled at my kids but also at my husband IN FRONT OF MY KIDS, I don't enjoy doing homework with them at night after a long day at work, I have lied about their Karate class having been canceled so I could have a night off…all this and more even though my husband and children are the absolutely most important people on the face of this earth to me and I would walk through a wall of fire juggling gas cans for them.
Just sayin'.
Mary Hess
I like this. I'm all about transparency.
1. More days than not, I'm scrambling to get my bible reading in before my head hits the pillow.
2. I am not disciplined enough with exercise (I only tweet when I do). Blech.
3. Most of the time I'm short-tempered with my youngest daughter who knows every button to push.
4. I'm not the most compassionate mother on the planet. Let's just say mercy and grace AREN'T my middle name.
Gretchen
Oh, life is hard. It is difficult, it is monotonous at times. What I have been trying to do in the midst of the mudane……like when I have been sick, children are not doing any things that I have told them to do…….I try to find the good stuff. The little bits of joy that may seep through so I do not dig myself into that pit of negative thoughts………because I do not like being there.
seriousbethy
Um, ditto to everything Sally said. Also, while I'm sitting here reading this (when I should be doing homeschool), Liam comes us and says in a bored voice, "can we PLEASE start school now" just 'cause he's so bored.
It's good to be reminded for my own blog to not just post the good stuffs. Thanks for keeping it real Lacey.
karen
thank you. so much. : )
i just had this same conversation with some girlfriends last night. and now, it's in my face again.
i read blogs and compare. i feel sorry for myself and everything that i am not or everything that i don't have. i believe the lies that satan whispers in my head that those people are better and have it all together.
but it's time for that to end. it's time to see me the way God sees me. past the mistakes, past the issues, past the sin.
thanks for the reminder. : )
nikkie
yikes. you had to go and write a post like this, didn't you? it smacked me around just a little. and i completely agree.
we often present the pretty parts of life, when sometimes life is not so pretty.
i want others to like me, to a very huge fault.
today, right now, this moment, i am tired of homeschooling. and, while i'm not quitting, i sure do feel like it.
sometimes, (ok, often) i forget that i'm forgiven, and we are being made brand new. it haunts me ( i wish i could add huge emphasis, here) and i want to crawl into my bed and pull the covers over my head. but, crawling into my bed is not a choice.
i'm tired every day, too. mostly, in a weary from battle kind of way.
next.
Amanda
I'll go next. Worse than comparing is COVETING!!!!
I blog way to much.
I don't think of others enough.
I certainly don't pick up the phone and call unless I need something.(that was hard to say)
I eat fast food once a week when I'd like to pretend I don't.
I worry way too much.
I don't spend enough time doing math with my first grader. But…
I've decided that when I blog, it inspires me to be a better me when I write about the good and focus on the good. When I focus on the negative, which frankly I really could do a lot of…I worry and that's not good either. When I read blogs, I navigate towards blogs that inspire and encourage. If I came to a blog and everyday was filled with "woe is me"…I'm certain I would fall into that pit with you everyday.
What I like about a REAL blog is that most days that mama gives me the good, to uplift and inspire me…but it's nice every now and then to hear that she's real.What a great ramble this morning. You see, you've inspired me this morning to post about everyday life and I just think I might do that:)
Sally
You nailed it, Lacey, and quite frankly, it stings. A lot.
But you nailed it.
Gah – you hit on my sin, comparing. Every single day, I visit this blog and that one, reading about the pretty spontaneous crafts, and family sing-a-longs (ok, I made that one up.) and inspiring nature walks, and hours of Mom knitting house cozies and children playing peacefully by a crackling fire and learning happening on its on and fresh bread and …
…my husband reminds me that that world, THAT world is not real. It's the nip that they want me to see, us all to see.
Because who wants to air their icky underwear for everyone to see? Who wants to broadcast that they yelled at their kids for something completely ridiculous, or that they are wearing the same clothes they put on two days ago, or that "craft time" in this house means busting open a kit of Color Wonder marker thingees, or that they are NOT keeping their sink tidy and in fact are -gasp- pulling dishes out of the dry-dish side of the sink….
Geez.
I'm lazy. I sit on the computer too long. I knit when I should to something, ANYThing to clean this house. I have yelled at my younger children. I have given in to my own seflish desires before my own children. I forget that my man needs attention. I make the pendulum swing the other way, in hopes to make right what I have been doing wrong.
And I get stressed out and overwhelmed and feel let down by others who can't met this freaky mandate I have just set and I melt down.
And then I get fever blisters.
And I loath fever blisters.
So there. I think I just wrote a blog post on your blog post.
bah.
🙂