the last one.
I do not want another baby in our house.
Trust me when I say, the Keigleys are done giving birth to babies.
I’m not even the type of woman who gets all googly-baby-eyes when she holds someone else’s newborn baby.
I mean, I like holding your newborn baby.
I like caressing their bitty baby cheeks and admiring their new baby ears.
But holding your baby in no way makes me hanker to hold one of my own.
I’m done with babies.
We’ve had our years
(and they have been sweet)
but they are over.
Nonetheless, something strikes me when I watch the babyness grow right out of my last little man.
Attempting to butter toast on his own.
Scrambling up on a stool by the counter and deciphering how to unscrew the lid of the cookie jar to help himself to two fistfuls of oatmeal cookies.
Putting strokes to page as he manhandles his first paintbrush.
It’s all those little parts.
Hands.
Lips.
Ears.
Tips of toes.
It really is bittersweet.
(A word for which there is no synonym.)
Goodbye baby.
See ya’ later double stroller.
Hello size 4 diaper.
And it took so long to see myself one way
(nursing mother. many babies. sleepless nights.)
and it’s such a struggle
to find myself in a new place.
Where do we all fit in here?
How long before I blink and keeping this boy in diapers is replaced with keeping this boy in hip sneakers and pizza?
How long before the song he cuddles down to sleep with is replaced by a pat on the shoulder and an “I’ll see you in the morning, Mom”?
His tiny arms are the last.
His just-learned-this-new-trick kisses will be the last Keigley baby just-learned-this-new-trick kisses our house will know.
And that’s a little overwhelming.
Even if I am done having babies.
Because they have been sweet.
So sweet.
Sigh.
Followed by sigh.
7 Comments
seriousbethy
Oh Lacey, how precious. This hit me tonight. Eliot still has many months left to be a baby, but I can see that nursing is almost at an end and I'm just fighting letting it go. Getting a little emotional and listening to too much "Creek Drank the Cradle." I know how you feel battling those emotions of changing as they do. There are so many fears, so many feelings. can you imagine if we didn't have the truth that our identity and our hope is in Christ, not our children? Without that, I would lose myself in them and I know be an empty and depressed woman when they were all grown.
Darrell Powell
Just stop it will ya. Just stop it. You somehow know I'm addicted to babies.
Tiffany P
I am waiting to be a grandmother!!!
Cindy
My "last one" graduates from VT in May :0(
stephaniekandray.com
He's a cutie. How old is he? My daughter is 16 months and we have more baby's to come, for sure, but it is still weird watching her morph from a baby to a toddler.
LaceyKeigley
He will be two in May.
It is a fun age though, isn't it?
Amanda
Where do we all fit in? Thats a really good questions. It doesn't really matter at what age you are or how many children you have or how many years you've been doing this…{as you would say} mothering gig:),
The BIG questions is where do we all fit in? because it's really hard to fit in somewhere and figure out where and…c.h.a.n.g.e…
sorry to ramble, in my own way I relate to this.