small.
I don’t like deboning chicken.
Who does?
(I don’t even think “deboning” should be a word, let alone a verb.)
But I like to ease the pain a little by telling myself,
with every slippery touch of the gnarly chicken bones,
this is love.
This is love.
This is what love looks like.
(It’s a mantra. On rerun in my brain.)
But there are days.
Oh, there are days
when although I still believe that this is what love looks like
doing the small things with great love (thank you Mother Theresa)
I still feel
that
maybe
no one is listening.
No one is watching.
I feel
small.
Unimportant.
Forgotten.
Marginalized.
Pushed aside.
Less Than.
This motherhood gig.
It sort of stinks sometimes.
I feel taken advantage of,
taken for granted.
No yearly evaluations.
No pats on the back.
No bonus check at Christmas.
You know what I’m talking about?
You can be surrounded by tiny humans all day
and still find yourself
alone.
Now – don’t feel sorry for me.
Or send me “pep up” messages.
This really isn’t a sad post.
I don’t really live my life in this feeling.
And I know you don’t either.
But sometimes I camp out here for an afternoon. Or two.
And I figure,
well,
maybe you do too.
18 Comments
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beth
fellow camper, right here. and the holidays don't help. but it's a chapter. and we are not alone.
LaceyKeigley
I know.
And I am glad we are not.
Sally
from one sister camper to another: got any marshmallows?
LaceyKeigley
Yes.
And more importantly – I have the chocolate.
Meghan
a.men.
especially when its either you get a bath or someone smaller needs to gets dressed…and the dressed one always comes out on top!
LaceyKeigley
Yes.
every sunday morning.
i get that.
Rachel
I totally feel you. And I don't typically debone chicken, even though I prefer buying whole, locally-raised, organic, free-range chicken. I just find recipes where I can leave the bone in. I'm all about love, but I can skip the carnage. lol
LaceyKeigley
Pass on those recipes.
Of course – even after I leave the bone in I have to get the chicken off for leftovers – is there a way to avoid that?
Amanda
this motherhood gig:) as I sit her typing, we are taking our morning homeschool break. I'm in my pjs eating chips while the kids tear the house up for our 15 minute break. I think now the reason i don't do alot of these post too is because im going to get THOSE comments from friends saying "oh keeping you in my thoughts and prayers" when really all i want to hear is a big…. amen!
you have a lovely way of being REAL.
so AMEN sister to this one! Im raising my bowl of chips to you now!
LaceyKeigley
Spoken as one who has been there – as one who IS there.
I will raise my bowl of chips in return. (Except I need to go to the grocery store – so maybe I'll raise that odd can of tuna or extra sleeve of crackers.)
Thank you!
Amy
sounds a little like marriage as well. Maybe we take those feelings and start looking for the little, behind the scenes actions that our kids and spouses do for us as well. It could be a sort of game we play – like Where's Waldo…. because sometimes thats just how difficult they are to see. But then when you find them, you have to smile because they're just so darn cute. just like Waldo.
LaceyKeigley
Yes.
Tiny and small.
And so worth looking for.
What a beautiful reminder.
nikkie
so, if i chose not to debone chickens, but if i think of you while i am cleaning the toilet or tending to the nine hundreth load of laundry, is that ok?
because, now i will for sure.
and it helps to know we are not alone in the gig of motherhood…i agree completely.
LaceyKeigley
Cleaning toilets and thinking of me?
Sure.
And laundry
Of course.
I guess I'll pretty much always be on your mind then – eh?
shelley
Ah, yes. Well said. The difficult side of servant-love.
Rachel
No "pep up" here – just empathy.
And I only have one small being running around my life right now 🙂
My husband actually said the other day he wishes he could give me a Christmas bonus. I thought it was sweet. And then I was bummed I wouldn't get one!!
I have to debone a chicken this afternoon. I will think of you!
LaceyKeigley
Ahh – that might just make my day.
The idea of being thought of while you are deboning a chicken.
Mission accomplished!
ahhhahaha.