Is this funny yet?

This story I am about to share actually happened last week.

I had to wait that long to tell this story so that I could find it funny.

I don’t know if it’s been long enough yet for me to think this day was all that humorous – but I’ll give it a shot.

The scene:

Two or three days in to a week where Kev was at an out of state conference.

The set up:

1. Two kids with a total combined savings of $11.00 and a burning desire to purchase a Webkinz.  (Webkinz = Marketing scheme designed to rob parents of cash cleverly disguised as a cute stuffed animal.)

2. One kid without a winter jacket as temperatures dropped to the 30’s on a daily basis.

The mission:

1. To acquire said winter jacket for Mosely.

2. To spend $11.00 hard earned, hard saved dollars on two stuffed animals.

3. To get out of the house for a while and look at other people and other things.

The Journey:

36 degrees outside.

Load five kids into car seats and booster seats with fluffy jackets and hats and scarves a-flyin’.

Except Mosely, of course. (Does anyone else besides me find it almost impossible to buckle children into car seats while they are wearing winter jackets?  But if you take the jacket off, the kid gets cold.  Such are the dilemmas my days are made of.)

London carries her cash in a wallet-type pouch.  Mosely opts for the glass pickle jar.

First Stop – Target.

Where London assures our clan that Webkinz are available by the bucket loads.  For the low low price of $4.99.  Which perfectly fits the budget of two little girls I know.

It appears that all Target has to sell us today is Disappointment.

1. The very cool pink plaid jacket that everyone agrees is adorable is $50.  At Target.  Call me crazy but I refuse to buy a six year old a $50 winter jacket at Target.

2. The Webkinz shelf is home to only about six stuffed creatures, all of them fish.

Assure children they don’t want to settle and spend their money on random purchases when they have been saving for Webkinz for about a month.

Second Stop – Hobby Lobby.

I didn’t really expect to find Webkinz here but I needed a few supplies for party games at an upcoming baby shower.

Assure children they don’t want to settle for a stuffed dog they spot in the check out aisle as I was purchasing pipe cleaners.

Third Stop – T.J. Maxx.

We first cruise the toy selection, but find no Webkinz here.

Assure children they don’t want to settle for play dough in place of the much desired Webkinz.

Next we head to jackets.  Mosely chooses a shiny purple and furry nightmare of a jacket that thankfully is unavailable in her size.  I spot a super cute Columbia find that is actually reversible.  She doesn’t care for it. I can’t decide if I should overrule her opinion.  It is $30 though.  London tries it on.  It fits her better anyway.  I consider buying it for London and making Mosely wear London’s old jacket.  But then I remember that every one deserves a few clothing items that actually belonged to her first.  So I hang the jacket back up and prepare to leave this store empty-handed.  Again.

We waltz by the adult jacket section.

And by waltz, I mean – we lumber along loudly, four kids trailing me at varying degrees of alertness, jackets draping out of the buggy and scarves dangling dangerously close to the buggy’s wheels, Otto lurching wildly inside the base of the buggy as the seat part was too tiny and the strap was broken anyway, Bergen trying to play peek-a-boo with Otto as I try desperately to make any progress at all.

That’s when I spotted one for me.  A jacket, that is.  A really cool, purple-ish Steve Madden jacket that I thought might go perfectly with all of the skirts I love to wear.

And I don’t own a winter jacket that matches my skirts.

So I thought I could do the impossible.

I thought I was mom enough to conquer this moment.

I stopped the cart.  I reached for the jacket.  I put it on.  I looked in the mirror.

And then . . .

Piper Finn fell under the clothing rack.

She came up crying.  And bleeding.

Comforting her, trying to save Otto’s life from himself as he seems intent on plunging to his early demise out of the cart that is squeaking in a weird-is-this-contraption-about-to-break way,

I heard it.

The pickle jar.

Hitting the floor.

Shattering.

Spreading dimes – five dollars worth of dimes.

Rolling around everywhere amid the shattered glass.

A stranger, an angel of sorts I am sure, stepped in and picked up the dimes from the glass shards and handed them to me.

He asked a TJ Maxx employee to help clean up the glass and saw to it that all details were taken care of.

I loved that slouchy-pants, sideways-cap-wearing stranger right then.  Loved him.

After all this chaos, I realized I was still wearing the jacket.

I think it looked pretty good.

But I shoved it back in the rack, probably out of place and disheveled looking.

And left store number three empty-handed.  Again.

Fourth Stop – Zaxby’s.

I only like Zaxby’s only a tad more than I like McDonald’s, but it was well after lunch by now and Mosely keeps getting these free Zaxby meal coupons in the mail so we rolled through the drive through to collect whatever our coupons allowed today.  (Her free cards come from a summer visit with Nate who filled out cards for her as if her name was Mowgli Keigley and her father was Jody Deming.  True story.)

Fifth Stop – Publix.

I tried to think of how I could avoid this stop.  Could we eat dry cereal for every meal?  How about cans of condensed soup with chocolate chips sprinkled on top?   Or diced tomatoes and frozen corn?  Because that’s about all that was in our cabinets at home.

We plowed through Publix with pretty decent attitudes and our weekly supplies of bread, apples, milk and bananas.

I fed Fox a cup of yogurt in his car seat and handed him a banana.

Sixth Stop – Wal-Mart.

You know this is a stop of love.

We had one mission – Webkinz.

Six people trudging through the aisles, back to the toy section.

Fruitless search.

No Webkinz.

“No, we don’t sell Webkinz here,” a Wal-Mart employee assured me.

Sad faces.

Trudging back to the exit.

Screeches of joy.  The Webkinz (the ones not sold at Wal-Mart) were piled high at the check out area.

Glorious success!

We are jacket-less, both Mosely and I, but we now own Webkinz.

Will they keep us warm on cold winter days?

Absolutely not.

But was I glad to see those stuffed little fluffs and watch my girls name them (Sugar and Powder) and play together?

You betcha’!