Autopilot
Have you ever driven some route,
some route so familiar,
that when you reach your destination
you cannot even remember the path you took to get there?
You know you must have taken a right at the gas station but you do not even recall seeing the gas station?
It is as if you are on
autopilot.
That’s me.
That’s today.
That’s been this week.
I see that it’s Friday.
I know Monday must have occurred.
Clearly I went to bed four nights since then and awoke four mornings.
But I don’t recall any of them.
The kids are not malnourished and our math worksheets have been completed
but I don’t really remember how those tasks were accomplished.
Maybe it’s been because everyone has been sick.
Or because Kevin was out of town.
Or because I have been so exhausted.
All of the above, I guess.
Whatever the reason that pushes you into autopilot,
When you reach your house and you cannot remember the left turns you took.
Whatever propels you to the end of the week,
When you reach Friday but cannot recollect Wednesday.
Here’s what I find.
I don’t care for that feeling.
I don’t care for the feeling of traveling a path I did not even recognize.
I don’t care for the feeling of sliding through five days with no memory of a sunrise or a sunset.
I do not care for autopilot.
I was not created for automated living.
3 Comments
Stacy Finnigan
And yet it is so exhausting, past the point of the primary exhaustion, to intentional wake up and be directed by the Pilot.
One has to wonder if it would truly be worth it. Part of me screams yes! but the physical and emotional parts of me, the parts that are quite exhausted scream rest!
The trouble comes because there is life in both rest and exhaustion.
Kaity
Today I feel like I know exactly what you mean. I was under anesthesia this morning and don't even remember how I got dressed again. And I probably won't remember writing this comment tomorrow 🙂 It's totally weird!
Gretchen
I am probably going to be in the auto pilot boat next week. Page is going to Atlanta with work on Sunday and will not be back until Thursday. I do not care for that either. Hey, do you take Fridays off from school work? We do…….that makes me look forward to Friday! 🙂 Have you been watching Survivor? I was surprised they voted off Jimmy J. Hope next week is better for you! 🙂