today

What day of the week was today?

I don’t remember.

Do you ever have days like that?

I awoke to chaos in my room.

It came to meet me in my bed, actually.

In the form of a two and half foot screeching two-year-old who had experienced a bad dream about lions and monkeys and tigers.

And here it is – some 14 hours later.

I don’t think I heard anyone call me by my given name.

What did I even do today?

Uh.

I watched Otto conquer two steps.

And then I watched two steps conquer Otto.

Twice.

Little bruiser.

For 14 hours today

14 hours in a row

someone was near me –

tapping, touching, asking, whining, showing, clinging, hugging.

There was no moment when this was not true.

14 hours.

I exaggerate not.

I didn’t see the outside world until 5:30 p.m. – I don’t actually know why it took me so long to step outside.

It seems I simply never made it that far to the door.

I

am

spent.

Exhausted.

But here’s something interesting.

I realized something pretty startling to me.

Something I almost missed.

Just about overlooked.

But am so grateful I did not.

Despite the loudness, the running, the chaos reverberating against the walls of our house because it was just too hot to play outside,

I didn’t lose my temper today.

My discipline was not anger-based

(although there was loads of it dished out).

I was pretty calm.

I laughed.

We read books.

We made monkey bread.

The kids put on a show from the story we read.

(It involved more mess, more loud noises, more jumping and more shouting.)

We cleaned.

We made messes.

Laundry was folded

and folded

and folded

and put away.

We were busy – very little television was watched.

And through it all

one thing

remained true.

One thing remained steady.

Through absolutely no strength of my own.

With absolutely no praise due in my direction.

God was enough.

I was sustained.

And I don’t know how

exactly.

(There was no voice from the heavens.  No hand reached out to pick me up.)

Or,

rather,

I do know how

exactly.

He was sufficient.

Simply sufficient.

And He showed up in a hundred little ways

and that made this day of exhaustion better.

14 hours later,

and I think I didn’t accomplish anything

and you might think that too about your day.

But you did.

And so did I.

I served my family three meals.  You probably did too.  That’s huge.  Colossal really.

(And good meals – one from an Eating Well magazine even. That has to count for something – right?)

I met a tangible need my family had.  To provide strength and sustenance from food.

I did that.

I read books and stories to my children.

I put on a band-aid (which wasn’t exactly necessary for her physical well-being, but maybe it helped her mental well-being).

I settled arguments, oversaw crafty activities and monitored chores.

I mothered my young crew.

I am exhausted from the sheer demands of normal life.

I am.

But I am not defeated.

And I will be able to wake up tomorrow and do this job again.

Not because I am strong.

But because God is.