A Story of Hope
At lunch yesterday Mosely made a very unusual comment that seemed to be right out of left field.
“I wish I could meet my first parents one day,” she said.
My head actually whipped toward her – it was such an unexpected comment.
We have made the choice to speak normally and often about Mosely’s adoption and her introduction to our family when she was but a wee little three-month-old sausage baby. (Hey – “sausage baby” is the term Mosely uses. And listen, if you had the privilege of meeting her at that age, you would agree. Her appendages closely resembled sausage links. It’s just true.) So it was no surprise to hear her speak about being adopted. We all talk about it as a matter of course here.
But it was the first time I had ever heard her express any sort of desire or longing or interest in her birth parents.
And I was genuinely surprised at my internal reaction.
Sure, I kept my external reaction appropriate and moderate. (I hope.) We talked about her birth parents and then we let the comment stay as it really was – just a part of the lifelong conversation we will have with our third daughter, whose story happens to be of a different variety than say, our fourth daughter.
Inside, however, I was actually kind of hurt. And even as I felt that, I knew it was probably irrational. Mosely is five (almost six!) and wondering things out loud is perfectly normal. Talking about your past is part of figuring out your future and your place in the present. I know. But I still sort of felt sad. And somehow less important. Like my role or my ability as Current Mom was being called into question.
And I admit I was a little surprised at Mosely’s developed thought process along those lines. I honestly (perhaps foolishly) assumed I had a good five or ten or more years before this type of conversation would even start rolling.
Adoption presents its own set of unique issues. And they are really no more or no less daunting than the set of concerns with birth children. But I think it’s misleading to pretend that the issues are the exact same. They just aren’t. Sometimes they converge, cross over, merge, and so and so forth. But they are still not the exact same.
I think one part of that difference might just be because with adoption, you can always legitimately ask “what if?” What if genetics play a larger role than I thought? What if we are not the best choice? What if the nature vs. nurture debate really does have a clear victor? And dozens of more questions, deeper and scarier than we would like to see in print.
Adoption is such an incredible journey. One in which I am truly grateful to participate. But like all grand undertakings, like all uncharted territory, like all acts of love – there is such a risk as well. Such a frightening forced opportunity for vulnerability. And therefore, a much greater danger of pain. And suffering. And of having to stumble your way through the dark sometimes.
But I think at its heart, Mosely’s story – and every story of adoption at any level – is a story of redemption. A story of hope.
And I don’t want her to miss that.
I don’t want to miss that.
10 Comments
Lisa
Just came here via a Twitter connection. What a fortunate child to have such a wise and conscious mom. I am adopted and it was a very big part of my life even though it was never called that
chamathman
Two things, my sweet friend,
1. Quite the contrary to being less important, this demonstrates your greater importance in her life. That she felt so comfortable in raising the question so matter-of-factly, neither threatening nor feeling threatened, is a testimony to the unconditional way she has been nurtured, supported, empowered, and loved in your home.
2. I obviously believe people have an essential nature. Not just our fallen-ness, but people ARE a certain way naturally. But I lean very heavily on the nurture side of the issue, maybe 70/30, or 81/19, actually, more like 76.52/23.48 . And the best evidence I have for you as to the power of nurture modifying nature is this:
Riley Amber Cook Keigley
I rest my case.
You two are precious parents and Jeanette and I love you both,
Eric
Gina
As the Mama to two adopted girls (almost 3 and almost 1) and can resonate with so much of what you've said. Indeed…redemption and hope…and scary, too! What an incredible journey!
LaceyKeigley
Thank you.
It is the ultimate picture really – isn\’t it?
Lindsey
We are planning on adopting someday (in the next few years) and this is one of my fears as well. Not only that they will want to meet (gasp, even return to) their birth parents, but I'm worried about my reaction as well. In fact, I couldn't be more transparent when that new show about adoptees meeting their birth families came out. My husband thought it was beautiful and touching and I just kept saying, "That stupid. They have families. Why are they looking for another one?" Thanks for sharing.
Kristi Stefanits
This is great! Such insight into adoption. I cried when I read it because I could see my Emily Kate asking the same question when she is five…and me feeling the same way… What a story of redemption though…I don't want us to miss it either! I'm Leanne Boone's friend by the way…love your blog stories!
laceykeigley
Kristi – Glad you are reading!!!
Thanks!
darrell
Lacey your writing skills and your perception of beings around you continue to amaze me. I look forward to learning a lot about life from you..darrell
paggre
One connection for her as she grows is that we are all adopted by God into his family! He has blessed her with wonderful parents! 🙂
Shelley in SC
Love this. It introduces a whole new world to me that I've never been a part of . . . new thoughts . . . new ideas. Keep sharing. This is good stuff.