I hate divorce
In our family we don’t toss the word “hate” around.
Partially because it’s such a strong word and it just sounds unpleasant coming from a child’s lips. Partially because when you use a word too much it loses its potency and you forget how harsh of a word “hate” can really be. The kids and I try to create a culture in our home where “hate” is unspoken. (Hopefully) you won’t hear the kids (or me) saying, “I hate tomatoes”, “I hate when we are running late”, “I hate the color mauve”, “I hate the sounds of fingernails being clipped”.
So understand the strength of my words when I say this:
I hate divorce.
And my kids hate it too.
There’s nothing pretty or desirable or lovely about it.
There’s nothing easy or comfortable or charming in the word or in its connotations or in its reality.
And I hate that something that I hate is allowed to be a label on my life and on my person.
I hate it.
I don’t feel guilty for this emotion.
I find no part of divorce to bear any resemblance to the words written around our dining room walls.
15 Comments
Erin Miller
Lacey, you are an amazing woman. I wish I would have applied myself more in high school so many years ago. Even though I was a bit of a slacker, I credit you for my creative writing juices. I’ve read every book as an adult that you assigned me in high school. Because of you I can put pen to paper and make grown men laugh, cry and contemplate.
You’ve inspired me throughout many years of my life, even though we’ve grown apart.
You are an incredible mother. All of your posts make things look so easy. I did not know what you have been going through until a couple of months ago and it made me angry. You and KK were always an example to me of what true love looked like. Marriage didn’t define you as a person though and neither will divorce. You are truly amazing and loved so much by my family!
laceykeigley
Well Erin Miller.
This is a comment that sends me down a path somehow. A path that does make me feel old. But also a path that reminds me of many things.
I really liked teaching you. Like – a lot. You were high among the list of memorable students for all the right reasons. (Do you recall singing on the porch during car line in the afternoons?) You were always a lot of fun and I never saw you as a slacker. Not ever. The potential for all the good things you have done was right there in your high school fingertips.
There was a lot going on during those high school years for you. A lot of personal struggle and family stuff and all the woes of being a teenager (it’s SO hard) and change and everything else. You were real even then. And funny. And passionate. And a person who drew people toward you.
I’m humbled and honored and so so thrilled to hear you credit me with any of your writing talent and I would love to read your pen to paper words now.
Things on a blog and in pretty pictures always look easy. They seldom are.
It’s been a part of the grieving process to know that what I thought I had in marriage – and what others thought I had too – was not what I actually had. And it’s hurt me to see other marriages falter or flounder because of my marriage failing.
Thank you of taking the time to share your thoughts and kind words.
They matter — and I am grateful for your family’s love — I love you all too!
darrell powell
No one hates it as much as God does,
Josh
I hate it too. It will be a label for me this fall sadly. That is what happens when a spouse cheats on you with all her might and then moves him in with her. A Christian husband shouldn’t have to deal with this at all, but I certainly didn’t sign up to share in my marriage in that respect.
Praying for you.
laceykeigley
I’m truly sorry to read this.
This isn’t anything I would wish on any other human.
Lana
I hate divorce, too. For you and your kids and for my sister and her son.
laceykeigley
For everyone it touches — I know.
And I have been sadly surprised at how many people not directly involved have been hurt and affected by my story – the reaches are strong for this kind of betrayal.
Christina Emptage
Having been there i could not agree more. Dear lady you are not alone. Hatred is something that will eat at your heart. Stay strong x
laceykeigley
Indeed – hatred of people will eat at your heart. I think it’s right to hate divorce itself though – to hate the brokenness.
Sandy
I agree with you and also hate that this word is a reality for you and your children…praying right now that the words on your dining room wall and all the beautiful names God calls you will fill your heart today!!
laceykeigley
Thank you – that is a perfect prayer for us.
Today and every day.
Nikkie
I hate it too Lacey.
Vile
Vomitous
Disgusting
Nauseating
Thanks for being real.
Love to you today.
Sara
There are some things that should be/must be hated.
You, however, are so loved and loved so much by so many.
Elaina
Dear one,
You are in excellent company…. Malachi 2:16 NASB
laceykeigley
One translation of this verse basically says “the one who divorces his wife covers her with violence when he ought to have protected her”.
That feels exactly accurate.