Attending Allume

“How’s it going so far?”

That was the text from my friend.

It being the Allume conference I was attending this last weekend.

I laughed.

(Yep.  A real laugh that was sort of a hiccup but was very much made out loud.)

How’s it going?

Well.

I knocked over a chair.  My chocolate covered almond slid across the floor.  I couldn’t get my tongue to agree with my brain when I opened my mouth to speak.  I felt intimidated by the myriad of professional looking women laughing and having conversations all around me in the lovely Hyatt hotel lobby.

The snacks were cooler than I was.

You guys.

I have no idea what my problem was that first day.  Or the second.

But I was feeling ridiculous.

Like – I walked into this room with a couple hundred women.  Tables were all set up.  Dinner half served, waiting on our tables were beautiful giveaways placed around the plates.  (You should see how many books I have stacked beside my bed to wade through.  Good books too.  Ones I actually want to read.)  And I was kind of frozen.  I sat down alone the first night.  Just all absolutely alone at a table for eight.  Because I was too scared to boldly sit down by a stranger and say hello.

Fear won that first evening, for sure.

See, you people who know me in regular life think I can just go right over and chat it up with any old body.

But you are wrong.

It is hard work to be friendly and extroverted and I just didn’t have that side of me clicked on the first night.  Or the second morning.

There was a whole lotta internal dialogue and self talk and in-my-own-head drama I had to wade through and work out and do a little dance routine with before I felt semi-alright to proceed with caution during this entire conference.

Ya’ll.

The list of ridiculous things I said or did was so high I was making myself laugh.

I am not kidding when I tell you this:

I backed the Suburban right into a concrete wall in the parking garage.

I really did that.

At breakfast I forced myself to sit between two women I had never met before.

I’m introducing myself.  On my right, this kind lady said she runs the social media for all of the Family Life Christian Book stores.  She asked if I was familiar with the stores.

Yes.  Yes I am.  Because they are everywhere across the country.

And to my left this lovely woman who looks young enough to make me remember my own old age, introduces herself to me.  Senior Editor for Tommy Nelson Publishing.

Ah.  And then there’s me.  Sandwiched in the middle.  Just little old me – homeschool mom.  Doing what homeschool moms do.  Homeschooling, you know?

On stage I get to hear Chrystal Evans Hurst speak – the daughter of Tony Evans.  (She was a ridiculously great speaker.)  In a breakout session I sit down at a table with more unknown-to-me women.  The speaker is introduced and then she stands up – she was just sitting right there at my table and I didn’t even recognize her.  This wonderful well-known home decorator and blogger known as The Nester.  (She’s been a real inspiration to me to embrace renting!  Something I awkwardly told her after her session.  I’m certain she’ll remember my words for days.  Probably write about them later, you know.)  Also, just sitting right there at my table too, was her sister – Emily P. Freeman – a wonderful author and blogger as well.

There’s a good solid long list of incredible women with whom I was able to listen and to learn from.  And a growing list too of fantastic women I was able to sit down and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with as well.  And to drink sweet tea with.  My word.  I consumed more sweet tea during those three days than I have in my entire last decade.  I might have come away addicted to sweet tea.  (Oma will be so pleased to share her addiction with me.)

At any rate, there’s loads more to say about what I learned about myself and fear and women and rest and chaos, but I can’t unpack all of that tonight.  (One – because I am tired.  Two – because there are too many silly stories of myself to wade through.  Three – because I am still processing the information overload.  Four – because I have promised myself to get more sleep in order to rise up earlier in order to begin my days in a manner in which I would like my children to remember seeing their mother begin her days.)

I’ll say this.  I think I made some new friends.  I got over myself a little bit.  I heard some incredible spoken word that I cannot wait to share.  I learned some solid nuggets of truth.  I have been enlightened on several subjects.  I was humbled to be served by several very kind and generous friends who graciously and lovingly cared for my children while I attended these sessions.  I am glad I went.

(And the Suburban is just fine.  As is the wall.)