On the Road: Hershey’s Chocolate World: A Public Service Announcement

I like to think this blog is occasionally helpful.

Today’s post should certainly qualify as such, potentially saving you time and energy and money. All valuable things, can we agree?

After Gettysburg but before our next stop, the highway practically delivered our suburban right to the doorstep of Hershey, Pennsylvania.

When Riley was an only child, our itsy bitsy family of three (!) made a business trek to New Hampshire to acquire new equipment for the television studio where Kevin worked. On that journey we had visited this famed town of chocolate.

To our recollection it had been a pleasurable stop and we anticipated the same for a second go-round.

Our only goal was to visit the free Chocolate World where we remembered riding on a campy educational train tour enlightening us to the methods cocoa beans are gathered and the manner in which they shift from bean to bar.

It seemed like a great way to break up the drive.

When we arrived the entrance had changed and there was a confusing amount of construction taking place in what used to be the lobby area.

We persevered through two non-eye-contact making employees. Maybe that should have been a giveaway. We tromped up a flight of stairs and back down another flight to reach a desolate train ride area.

Kevin and I are already cracking up because nothing about the building has been inviting or intriguing. Instead, we felt like a happy bunch of trespassers with no real agenda.

Two preoccupied teenager-ish humans sort of ushered us on to a sled-like train-like apparatus.

We are still laughing. The kids are looking around asking, “What’s going on here? What is this?”

I’m sitting with London and Mosely. Kevin and Piper and Otto and Berg are on a seat in front of us.

And the crazy begins.

There really aren’t adequate words.

Plinky-dink incredibly loud music began blaring through some speakers that felt as if they’d been drilled directly into our ears. It started. And it never stopped.

Our sleigh ride do-hickey twisted around and sent us back and forth to see puppet cows adding more musical mayhem to an already seizure-inducing carnival of insanity.

No one was learning anything about chocolate or cocoa beans or quality craftsmanship, let alone any facts about a truly generous philanthropist named Hershey who actually changed the fate of his town for good.

Kevin kept turning around to look at me. I kept making ludicrous faces to reflect the lunacy of the experience. We kept laughing and cringing. The kids kept covering their ears and asking, “What’s happening?”

I don’t know what was happening.

It’s as if the people at Hershey had a meeting. “Listen guys. The old ride is too boring. Kids today need thrills. But since we can’t give them thrills, let’s just blast them with non-sensical music, dumbed down lyrics and completely useless information. Let’s add lights and frantic pacing and keep things bright and colorful to distract them from thinking at all. In fact, let’s make it like every modern cartoon we’ve ever seen. All at once.”

We exited the ride trying to reign in our laughter and astonishment.

The “gift” store just felt like a giant candy aisle at Wal-Mart. (And you know how I feel about Wal-Mart.)

We booked it out of Hershey World with only the free Rolo samples they were handing out at the exit. Maybe it was their way of saying, “Thank you for enduring our shame.”

Consider this sacrifice on our parts a public service announcement. When you’re traveling through Pennsylvania and you’re thinking it might be a fun pit stop – you can decide with full knowledge now.

I’m sorry Chocolate World. You once were quirky and amusing. We liked you better then.