surprise! forty feels fine.

I spent half of Year 39 thinking about Birthday 40.

That number seemed so daunting.  So definitive.  So half way.  So big.

My thoughts were primarily focused on actually turning the corner on that milestone.  Sitting at that iconic number.  Four.  Zero.

But I did give a few thoughts to the actual day.

July 23.

I like birthdays.

I always have.

And I struggle with expectations.

Now that’s a dangerous combination.

It’s not that I expect people to do amazing things for me.

And this is a difficult confession to share so I’m trusting you won’t judge me too harshly.

But I have allowed myself to be a victim of television and movies and books and my own imagination.

I love the drama of surprises and adventures and plans.

I remember watching Saved by the Bell with my mother when I was in junior high or high school.

(Yes – Saved by the Bell.  Yikes!)

There was this ridiculous scene (well, the entire show was ridiculous) where one of the boys asked one of the girls out to prom or solved some love dilemma by comandeering the school’s intercom system.  During the regular morning school announcements he took over the microphone and pledged his love to his sweetheart for all the school to hear.

It was improbable.  It was silly.

I must have been sitting on my side of the sofa grinning or something because my mom looked at me and asked, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?  That wouldn’t embarrass you – you’d love it.”

And I nodded, secretly surprised that she could read my thoughts and simultaneously storing that image away and wishing some boy would do that for me.

See what I mean by expectations?

They can be dangerous for me because they don’t exactly reside in reality.

But I am learning to control those expectations – to rein them in and to adjust them and to allow my reality to meet them more often than not.

I like to call that maturity.

Forty should do that for you at least – right?

Which is exactly why turning forty this year – the actual day not the mental anguish – was such a lovely surprise.

Amazingly delicious peach crepes for breakfast crafted by my capable officially-an-adult daughter.

A shopping expedition with same daughter where our roles were reversed and I was given a clothing allowance.  (I bought a dress and a skirt.  I asked Riley to hang my cast off clothes back on the hangers – like I always do for her.)

Lunch with Riley where she bought our meal.

A leisurely afternoon and a ride to “go out to dinner” that turned into a stop at Alli’s house that turned into a surprise birthday party.

My only other surprise birthday party occurred when I turned sixteen.  

My favorite foods, a lot of my favorite people and my favorite chocolate icing.

It was beautifully overwhelming and kind.

I felt so loved.

They had assembled a sweet picture book from all of our kids with these adorable kind messages and drawings.  A little string-bound treasure.

And thoughtful gifts and this crazy big deal of a present – a collection of monies from my friends – nearby and far flung – with this idea to purchase for me a dreamy red Kitchen Aid mixer.

Of course – all this was happening without my knowledge – which is just so big and grand that it meets those silly pushed-down expectations of mine.

And during this time of secret planning  a friend gave me her old Sunmaid mixer, which I’ve been using and so I had said to my friends (without knowing their schemes) that I was no longer certain I wanted a Kitchen Aid so then they hesitated to make that purchase and now I have this incredible gift and I have to choose how to spend it.  (They said there were rules – no paying for groceries or bills or such.)  I’m torn between the Kitchen Aid or a Ninja now – or a piece of furniture for our living room.  I just don’t know.

And, as if all this goodness wasn’t enough for a special day, I received a text message from Emma with this little picture included.

 For a person like me – a person who loves surprises and extended celebrations – this is pretty much magical.

Apparently, something happens every day for the next forty days!

That’s a big deal!

I can’t believe the work and the time and the energies that my friends have all spent on this day for me.

It is unbelievable.

It is humbling.

It is amazing and exciting and so much fun.

It is unusual for my expectations to be met in such a grand and surprising fashion.

I am so grateful.

So honored.

Yes – I think forty will be better than I imagined!