strawberry memories
Not a single spring has passed
for the last fifteen years
that has not found me creating strawberry jam
just like I saw my mother make.
Always in the same too-large bowl in which my mother used to make her strawberry jam.
And this year,
as well as the past three years,
I cannot help but be reminded of my mother.
It’s inevitable.
First, there’s the bowl.
And the act of jam-making by itself.
The jam may taste sugary sweet sweet sweet
but the experience is always more of the bittersweet variety.
I don’t know how to live it any other way.
When I stir in that powdery sure-jell from the yellow box that even time seems to never change,
I cannot help myself.
I just keep thinking,
this is not how it is supposed to be.
If life was fair, I tell myself, I would not be pouring this bright red deliciousness into jars alone.
I’d be laughing with my mom as she sat across from me at the kitchen counter.
She’d be marveling at what a capable berry slicer London Scout how grown to be.
We’d be counting jars as we filled them full
and sharing in that glorious simple feeling of work well-done.
Food crafted by your own hands to satisfy your own family’s hunger.
We would divvy up the spoils of our labor and admire their bright scarlet beauty.
If life was fair.
I have to laugh at my own thoughts, of course.
I know I don’t actually want “fair” – whatever that really means.
But I do want my mom.
Here,
in real time,
sharing the moments that make up a regular life.
I want us to live the mundane
and laugh at the marvelous together.
It’s too early for me to be the family’s only Memory Holder.
10 Comments
Jane
hmmm…I understand this all too well. I wish we could both sit at your kitchen counter with our mom's. Kevin would want to sit with us, b/c he would just want to make my mom say funny things to hear her british accent. p.s. can I please possess some of this strawberry jam. 🙂
LaceyKeigley
Thank you guys.
I always appreciate your kind words and encouragement.
hannaH
i teared up a little on this and had the strong urge to call my mom. and before i had time to do so, she called me. thanks for the reminder that having people we love is a gift and a privilege and not a right or to be expected. much love friend.
shelley
::sigh:: Feeling your ache today . . . a little . . . as much as I can. So glad your memories of her are sweet. That is a treasure.
Helen Rutrough
So sorry for you and your children that this is life for you now. She was a sweet, sweet lady and I miss her too.
Rhonda
It's so true. Life isn't fair. When my mother left this earth two weeks before the birth of my first child, I thought I would never survive. It's been almost 22 years now, and I still miss her as much today as I did then. My heart aches for you, my friend.
Gretchen
Oh Lacey………what a sweet post. I am so sorry. You are a wonderful Memory maker and cherish the time with your girls and boys………Love you!!! And that strawberry jam……..is super yummy!!! What a wonderful thing to pass down!
g
kimmie
No matter how old we get, our 'momma' is still our 'momma'. what a blessing you have such great memories of her! And remember – those who live in the Lord never see each other for the last time.
Amanda
Such a touching post with beautiful, beautiful words.
alece
my heart aches for that ache, that hole, in your heart… ugh. i'm sorry, sweet friend.
(but i bet your jam… is the jam.)
hugs.