Mosely Elliot Claiborne Keigley: The Interview

I assume you realize by now that our home here is nearly overrun by small children with small feet and small hands.

And I take full responsibility for that fact.  (Well, at least partial responsibility.)

It seems these small humans are always changing, evolving, growing, becoming.   It is my duty and my privilege to make note of this process.  Therefore, I have interviewed the third daughter in line here so that you too may see how she is doing, what she is thinking and try to capture a glimpse of what makes this brown eyed beauty so unique.

Let the questioning proceed.

For the record, will you please state your full name and age?

Umm.  Mosely Elliot Claiborne Keigley.  Ummmm.  Six and a half.

Mosely – what do you think of the name your parents chose for you?

Umm.  I think it’s fun and I like it.

Do you have any nicknames?

I don’t know.

Does Daddy or anyone else call you a name other than Mosely?

Umm.  Dad calls me Mo-Town.

What do you think of that?

It’s funny.

Right now – tell me your favorite movie, favorite song and favorite snack.

My favorite snack is, hmmm, goldfish.  My favorite movie is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  [I think that’s a TV show, but we aren’t here to argue semantics.] And my favorite song is “Pulverize”.

Pulverize?

Uh – yeah.  Pulverize.  It’s a Jonas Brothers song.

You mean “Paranoid”?

Yeah.

[Thanks again, Riley.  Thanks a lot.]

How would you spend one day if you could do anything you wanted to do all day long?

Color.  With markers and crayons and pencils.  And markers.

Have you ever touched a snake?

Yes.

Why?

Because I wanted to see what it felt like.

And what did it feel like?

It feeled funny.

Do you think insurance is overpriced in America?

[Laughs.]  No.

Why not?

Uh.  I don’t know.  Anyways, what’s insurance?

It’s something grown ups buy to help them pay for their doctor’s bills.

Ah.  Oh, then yes.

What is your favorite place to vacation?

The beach.

Why?

Because it’s fun to play in the water and to play in the sand.

Do you think I’m funny?

Yes.  [Laughing.]

Why?

Because sometimes you say funny things.

Do you think Aunt Emma is funny?

Yes.  [Giggles.]

Why?

I don’t know.

Who’s funnier – me or or Aunt Emma?

Umm.  You!

How about me or Daddy?

Daddy.

What?  Why?

Because he has funny voices.

Just voices?  That’s all?

Yeah.  Because he can do Donald Duck’s voice and Minnie Mouse’s voice and Goofy’s voice and Mickey’s voice and Daisy’s voice.  And . . .

Okay, I get it.  Daddy’s funny.    Are you funny Mosely?

[Deep intake of breath.]  No.

Really?  Why not?  I think you’re funny.

[Snorts.]  Uh – why do you think that?

Because you make me laugh.  You snort.  You crack me up with your funny words and your crazy expressions.

[Gives me an expression.  A crazy expression.  And then says – “Write that down.”  I can’t explain that I cannot write down an expression.  I do wish I could however.  It’s a good expression.]

Do you sleep in a bed?

Yes.  [Much giggles.]

Why not sleep in a hammock all night?

[Snorting heavily.]  Because that would only give me bug bites.

Yes.  That’s true.  What else gives you bug bites?

Um.  Ticks.  Mosquitoes.

Do you want a kitten Mosely?

Yes.

Can you get one?

No!  Dad won’t let us.  He doesn’t want kittens.

Why doesn’t Dad want a kitten?

‘Cause you need to take care of it a lot and uh, the dogs will try to get the kitten.

Mosely – have you ever thought about what type of job you would like to have as a grown up?

A tooth doctor job.

Oh.  Interesting.  Why?

Because we can help and use different tools to get cavities out and check your teeth and brush your teeth and you help people not get cavities.

Hmm.  What would you do if a kid came into your office and was crying a lot and was really scared?

I would see what’s wrong.  And he will say, “My tooth hurts.”  And I will say, “Probably you have a cavity or your tooth is very loose.”

Listen, Mosely – there’s been this rumor around here lately that maybe you know aliens.  Is there any truth to that accusation?

No.

Really?   You’re not from another planet?

No.

Hmm.  Then why do your siblings keep saying that you are?

I don’t know.

Are you hiding something?

No.  [Looking around and trying to see if she is, in fact, hiding something.]

Are you telling the truth?

Uh.  Sometimes.  [Loads of laughs.  And crazy expressions.]

So – seriously, Mosely – are you from planet earth?

Uh.  Yes.

What about your confession one day to Nate that you are actually from Planet Narwab?

No.

Hmm.  Then why did you tell Nate that?

I did not.  [So many giggles.]

Actually, I heard you.  You did.  So what gives, Mosely?

[Laughs.  Snickers.]   What?

I mean – what is the truth?  Are you an alien?   Do you have alien friends?   What’s the real deal here kid?

No.  [More loads of laughter.]  I do not have alien friends.  Piper definitely has alien friends.

Hmm.  So your sister is the alien but not you, eh?

No.

Get your story straight girl.  What’s the truth anyway?

When you obey God –  and your mom and dad.

Uh.  I think we’re heading in another direction now Mosely, so let’s just wrap this up here tonight before you hit the sheets.  So, Mosely – what do you plan to dream about tonight?

Pegasus.

Pegasus?

They’re cool.

On your planet?

I do not have a planet.  [Spoken in a robot voice.  No, seriously.]  What does “wrap it up” mean?

It means that this interview is complete and you need to go to sleep now – okay?

Okay.

Hey – Dad, can you come cuddle with me?